Most people will end up dealing with an ugly or unwanted breakup one way or another, no matter what they do or how great they think the relationship is going. You’re left heartbroken, with millions of questions. Sometimes, the other half of the partnership just doesn’t feel the same way they did in the beginning, therefore, they feel the need to break things off and move on with their lives.
The thing is, when someone dumps you like that, you can never be too sure whether it was something that you did, or if the feelings just faded. It almost feels wrong, since your feelings are still there, but her feelings seem to have disappeared completely. Your natural instinct is to demand answers and an explanation, with the plan to blow her phone up until she gives you what you’re looking for; nine times out of ten, this is NOT the way to go.
You might be deeply hurt, and provoked in ways you have never felt before, but she must have had a reason as to why she left. No matter how hard you rack your brain, you may not be able to come to a conclusion as to why she’s gone; your mind may be a bit scrambled due to this traumatic experience, so thinking straight might not be something that’s possible at the moment.
If you truly have no idea why your beloved woman decided to kick rocks and not look back, we have a few reasons as to why she came to this decision. Here are the top 4 reasons your girlfriend could have left you, and while you may not feel that her leaving was justified, it’s best to take all of these potential causes into consideration before making your next move.
4 Reasons Why She Left You
1. The attraction just isn’t there anymore
As hard as it may be to accept this, one of the main reasons women leave is because they are no longer attracted to you. You should NOT immediately assume that this just makes you an unattractive person, as something had to have caught her attention about you in order for her to begin a relationship with you in the first place. Sometimes, tastes change, and people don’t see what they used to in their partners anymore. Once those first couple of weeks of the “honeymoon phase” pass, the real test of your relationship begins.
Attraction in itself does not define how you are as a person, or even your appearance; attraction can mean a LOT of things. She may just feel differently now that your relationship has moved from just staying up talking all night, and doing spontaneous things with each other. A lot of people get fooled by their emotions into thinking the excitement of a new relationship is actually attraction to the other person, when in reality, it’s just the chemicals in their body going crazy about having a new thrill in the picture. Do not let this get you down; lots of men and women lose attraction for their partner and it’s nothing that should be taken personally, so don’t beat yourself up for it.
2. There’s someone else
This one is probably the hardest one to accept and come to terms with– your woman has found someone else that has caught her attention and made her forget about any feelings she may have had for you. It sucks, really it does, but you can overcome this!
Your heart may feel like it’s been stomped, spit on and just abandoned, but just know that this will pass. It really hurts to know that you can get replaced just like that, but keep this in mind: if she found someone and replaced you that quickly, that should be considered a red flag on her part and be glad you got out while you could!
One thing you should definitely NOT do is try and start any sort of drama or argument, especially with her new man. I can assure you it is not worth it, so don’t even let the thought cross your mind. By just accepting it and moving on, you are being the bigger person in this situation and you will be able to recover soon.
3. You did something wrong
You’ll have to think hard and reflect on this one a bit. Although you feel that you did nothing wrong, it’s not always easy to see your own faults from your point of view. Just put yourself in her shoes– what are some things she may have noticed about you that drove the attraction away? Were you too clingy? Were you not affectionate enough? Were you kind of a jerk to her at times? These are some things you have to strongly consider before jumping to any conclusions as to why the relationship is now over.
If you truly cannot think of anything that you could’ve done wrong, you may need to sincerely ask her what went wrong in order to know what you should change about yourself so you can maintain a more successful relationship in the future. Don’t ask your friends or family what you could have done wrong; they will likely side with you and insist you did nothing wrong! Just shoot her one message, saying:
“Hey, I’m truly sorry for whatever it may be that I did that caused you to leave. Could you please enlighten me on my faults so I know what to avoid in the future? Best wishes to you”
If she doesn’t answer, leave it alone. If she comes back shooting insults at you, leave it alone. If she gives valid reasoning as to what caused her to leave you, take it into deep consideration and move on with your life!
4. She may have just been unhappy
There isn’t always just one reason for someone to leave what you thought was an otherwise happy relationship; sometimes, the other person just isn’t happy anymore and wants to pursue something different. You should never grill someone for answers or explanations, even if you feel you deserve and are entitled to them. Your best bet would be to just try your best to recover and move on. Don’t dwell on the past– you most likely cannot change her mind; in that case, you just need to either spend some time alone reflecting on what you can do to avoid having to deal with this again in the future, or maybe surround yourself with positive people who can give you the emotional support you need.
How To Avoid This In The Future
There isn’t really a concrete way to avoid heartbreak in the future, but there are some precautions that you can take in order to increase your chances of maintaining a happy, healthy relationship.
Correct any mistakes you have made
Being a jerk to a woman is a big no-no, especially if she simply doesn’t deserve it. It’s one thing if she’s just rude and inconsiderate, but if your are just treating her badly, unprovoked, then you need to reevaluate your life and make some changes. See a therapist if you feel you have some deeply rooted issues with the way you treat women.
Take things slower
Maybe you and your girlfriend moved faster than you expected, and because of that, you failed to fully get to know each other. In order to have a happy and functional relationship, you have to know each other’s likes and dislikes, turn-ons and turn-offs, favorite things, and LOTS of other basic information. Taking things slow and truly getting to know one another can work wonders in a developing relationship, and will give you a leg up in the game when it comes to making it last.
Learn basic keys to a healthy relationship
To better understand what it takes to establish and maintain a partnership that actually works, you need to know what it takes to solidify your feelings for one another, and build a foundation for a happy relationship. There are 7 main keys to keeping a healthy relationship, according to Odyssey. Here is a summarization of those keys and what they entail:
- Trust. Probably the most important component of a relationship, honestly, trust is absolutely vital. You simply cannot form any sort of relationship with a person until trust is present and practiced!
- Communication. Lack of communication between partners can cause a relationship to go stale almost immediately. If you feel a certain way about something, make it clear to your partner so you can discuss the problem and fix it.
- Loyalty. Don’t cheat on your partner. Don’t keep secrets or try and be sneaky. Period.
- Understanding you need space. You are both human, after all, and everyone needs time to themselves.
- Admitting you’re wrong. Trying to prove your point when there is no point to be made can cause unnecessary arguments, which can put a huge damper on your relationship. If you see that you are wrong in a situation, own up to it and apologize.
- Have date night. This is SO IMPORTANT! Whether you’ve been together a month or a year, having a night set aside once a week or however often can improve your relationship immensely. Even if it’s just sitting at home with some takeout and a movie, date night should be a regular ritual in your relationship!
- Quality not quantity. While this can mean several different things, just know it applies to basically every situation.
Dealing With The Aftermath
It’s tough to come to grips with the fact that you’ll no longer have your girlfriend in your life, but know that you can get through this! Your pain and emotions are completely valid, and you have every right to be upset, confused, and frustrated with the outcome. After all, you are a human with real emotions, so the impact will be a little intense, no matter how long the relationship was. It stings, and while it will definitely get easier, those first few weeks will be a bit difficult. Here are some helpful tips on getting over the breakup and moving on with your life!
- Accept the outcome and try to come to terms with the fact that it’s really over
- Spend some time with close friends and/or family
- Take some time for yourself and your mental health (this one is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!)
- Lose yourself in your hobbies. Paint, play music, go for a run, cook yourself a gourmet meal– whatever will take your mind off of the breakup even for a few hours!
- Meditate or exercise. You will be amazed with how much this can help you with coping with the breakup. Plus, it’s extremely healthy, both mentally and physically!
- Express your feelings. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying, venting, and just letting your emotions run wild. Find a trustworthy person with an available shoulder to cry on, and just let it out! You will feel so much better.
- Don’t try and seek closure. In my personal opinion, closure is somewhat of a myth, for the most part. Even if you get all of the answers you were looking for, you may never truly feel “closure” when it comes to a breakup. It’s usually better to move on and not look back and dwell on the past.
You may feel betrayed, used, hurt, abandoned, and many, many other emotions that you have never experienced in your entire lifetime. This is TOTALLY normal, but just remember that you won’t feel like this forever! If you can try and preoccupy yourself once you’ve finally accepted that she isn’t coming back, your recovery process will fly by and before you know it, she will cross your mind less and less throughout the day, to the point where you find yourself not thinking about her at all. Breakups can be rough, especially if you are clueless as to why it happened, but you can overcome this and move on with your life. Your other half is somewhere out there, and you will find her in due time!