You’ve been dating for a while now and it’s time to take the next big step in your relationship. No, you’re not ready to get married yet, but you are ready to move in with your boyfriend.
It’s a huge step, no matter how long you’ve been together. Moving in signifies a major commitment for most couples even though it’s not quite the same as putting a ring on it. (Though some people might argue that signing a lease together is akin to an engagement ring)
Moving in with your boyfriend is an exciting new adventure. Now you’ll be able to come home every night to him and wake up together in the morning. It will give you a whole new perspective on your relationship, and that can be a good thing and a bad thing.
Keep in mind that even though you’re in love with your guy, living together can take some time to get used to for both parties and an adjustment period is usually needed while you both get used to your routines. If nothing else, try to keep an open mind through the process so as to not drive a wedge between you.
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5 Tips For Moving In With Your Boyfriend
Talk It Through
Communication is essential in every relationship. Until now, you’ve been able to go home at the end of a date and have your own space. Once you move in with your boyfriend, you’ll be together all the time. This can change the way couples see each other.
Before taking this next step, have an open and honest conversation about living together. If you have any concerns about it, voice them now. This isn’t about changing him if he is messy, rather is about understanding how you’ll both fit in a single household.
By attempting to address possible concerns in advance, you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache later on once you’ve moved in with him.
Be Considerate Of The Space
There are three scenarios that come into play when you move in with your boyfriend: You move into a new place together, he moves in with you and you move in with him. All three present their own sets of benefits and challenges.
On a basic level, no matter which way you go it will be necessary for you both to make some adjustments. If he likes to wake up to a loud clock radio while you prefer a quieter and gentler alarm, then you will need to come to some kind of agreement lest you both wake up frazzled. He might not keep a laundry hamper and instead be a pile on the floor guy while your hamper has three bins to sort your clothes out.
Never expect him to bend to your will, and don’t give up your ways just because that’s what he wants. It should be about compromise.
If you and your boyfriend move into a new place together it’s an opportunity to create a completely fresh start. It’s a new house and that means new rules. You can both keep your routines, but perhaps some of those old habits can adapt to the new space so that you’re both synchronized instead of functioning independently.
If one of you moves into the other’s place, decide how you make decisions like changing the decor or when you do dishes. Once you start living together, it’s no longer “his house” or “your house” because it’s your shared house so you both need to be open to change and ready to make concessions for the new resident.
Patience Is A Virtue
No one likes moving, and though the prospect of moving in with your boyfriend is an exciting thing, moving can be stressful. It’s hard work, for one. It’s also a time of great adjustment. There will be things you didn’t know about each other that come out when you’re together all the time.
It’s easy to tell someone to stop leaving dirty clothes on the floor or to insist that the dishes aren’t left in the sink. But if these are long held and firmly established habits then they aren’t going to change overnight. It will be frustrating to have to remind him of things over and over again. It will become annoying if he doesn’t adapt quickly. (He’ll feel the same way if the tables are turned)
It’s important to understand that these habits don’t change quickly because the last thing you want is for him to harbor frustration and resentment toward you. You don’t want to nag him about his habits so much that it backfires and ruins your relationship, and that’s a very real possibility.
The only thing you can do is to understand that change takes time, and that means that you need to be patient with him.
His And Hers
One way to avoid arguments and the subsequent frustration is for both of you to have an established personal space. You might claim a portion of the closet, and he won’t leave his clothes there. He might request that on Sundays he watches football on the couch.
Just because you’re living together doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to do everything together. And let’s be clear – there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do everything together and if that works for you so much the better. But if you need a personal space in your new place, or if you need some downtime alone, then make it happen.
Some couples have trouble managing the bathroom counters when there are two of you and one vanity and sink area. You need that vanity for makeup and he needs to shave, so maybe you set up a cute little makeup area in your bedroom where you can sit and get ready while he showers and shaves in the morning.
The point here is that there’s nothing wrong with wanting personal space even though you’re moving in with your boyfriend. Odds are that if you bring up the idea with him, he’ll be very enthusiastic about having some personal space. It’s like a precursor to the Man Cave and the She Shed. These are places where couples spend some “me time” and “me time” is a great way to decompress so that your relationship remains free of tension.
Agree On An Exit Strategy (Just In Case)
No one wants to think about breaking up, just as no couple wants to think about pre-nuptial agreements and divorce ahead of a wedding. But if you’re signing a lease with your boyfriend, or if he’s moving in with you or you with him, you need to have a plan for what happens if it doesn’t work out.
This is a great conversation to have when singing the rental agreement. If it’s in both names, find out if you’d both move out or if one of you would stay. If it’s your place, then know whether or not he will move out if something happens.
It’s not an easy conversation to have, and hopefully you never need to use this information, but it always helps to be prepared and having this worked out in advance makes it easier when you do need to use it.
Final Thoughts
Moving in with your boyfriend is a special time. If you’ve been together long enough it will give you a preview of what married life will be like, and that’s a good thing. Living together before marriage will help keep your future marriage healthy by allowing you to sort out the kinks now instead of after the wedding. This should be an exciting time for both of you, so make sure that you’re both communicating openly when there are issues so that you can adjust as needed and make your relationship stronger as a result. Healthy communication is the pathway to a healthy relationship.
