Ah, the dating and relationship game.
Many women grew up with fairytale and romance novel ideas of what a relationship should be, and that makes it hard to know just what to do when everything doesn’t have the perfect, Hallmark movie ending. But relationships can’t be summed up in 2 hours – minus commercials.
Relationships are ideally made for a lifetime, which means that it is going to take more than a few roses, a date, and a Christmas tree. It is going to take work… on both sides. But what are some ways that you can work on making a relationship a good one? Here are a few tips on relationship advice for women seeking men and relationship advice on women seeking women.
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Relationship Advice for Women Seeking Men: Top 6 Tips
While we often hear men joke about how hard it is to understand the female mind, they have no idea just how confusing it can be to date them. Men can be the most amazing, exciting, wonderful, frustrating creatures on the planet, and navigating through a relationship with one can be the same.
But relationships don’t have to be so hard or frustrating. While the white knight on a horse is probably not going to be coming and your Christmas prince isn’t likely to whisk you away to faraway lands, you can find real love and respect in a relationship. Here is some relationship advice for women seeking men that might help make that happen for you.
1. Communication is vital
No matter who is in a relationship, whether a straight couple or a gay couple, communication is vital to making it work. Men are always telling women that they cannot read minds, and this is true of your partner as well. You cannot expect him to know what upsets you if you have not made him aware of it. By sharing your needs and wants, you give him the power to meet them for you.
No matter how much you may dream of having a man who just automatically knows what you need and want, the odds are very slim that this is even possible, and the truth is, you can’t do this for him, either. The only way to even hope to understand the needs and desires of the other person in the relationship is by communication.
This communication also has to come from both sides. If either of you is holding things in and letting negative feelings fester, it will eventually rot the entire relationship. You must be willing to talk and be willing to listen if you want your relationship to be a good one for both of you.
2. Remember that you are a team
While it can be easy to sit around with your girlfriends and talk about how frustrating men are, it is important to remember that you and your man are a team. Relationships are not a case of her vs him, and if you start to see yours in that way then it is probably already doomed.
Several years ago people suggested that relationships had to be 50/50. It sounded good in theory, each person pulls their weight and the relationship flows along nicely, right? Not necessarily. All too often in the 50/50 relationship, each member is more concerned with making sure that the other person is pulling their 50 percent. If you both pull 100 percent, you won’t be keeping score.
When a 50/50 relationship happens, it begins to turn everything into a contest. You start to think, “Well if he isn’t going to do his part why am I even trying” The 50/50 relationship doesn’t leave room for depression, exhaustion, sickness, or just needing a break. Relationships need to be both partners putting in 100 percent in order to run smoothly. When one partner is down, the other is strong. Those are the relationships that last.
3. Always remember respect
Respect is another vital part of any successful relationship. Once you stop showing respect for a man, you have already lost him whether he has actually walked out of the door or not. The male ego is a lot different than most females and can turn his feelings cold quickly if he feels you are constantly disrespecting him.
It is also important that you feel respected in the relationship. If you feel that he often disrespects your feelings and needs, then you will need to plan a time to sit down and talk to him about it. This goes back to the importance of communication. If your relationship is important to you, then communicating to each other when you feel disrespected is an important part of that.
4. Don’t chase him or be too clingy
Men hate that. No, really, they do. I have heard one guy compare his ex to a “clinging vine that literally choked the life out of me.” Apparently, she didn’t let him go anywhere or do anything without her, and the romance quickly faded away.
This isn’t even about male vs female personalities or the fact that men don’t like being tied down. Men absolutely do not like being controlled any more than women do. If a man refuses to let you leave the house without him, we call it a red flag for abuse. Why is it okay for a woman to do it to him?
Also, note that one of the fastest ways to chase a man off is to chase him at all. This is a male personality thing in that it is a primal urge in the male to pursue his mate. The thrill of the chase makes things much more exciting for him, but it is impossible to chase a woman who won’t stop chasing you.
5. Be confident and love yourself
Men love confident women. How many times have you been told how sexy confidence is? A woman who knows her value and loves herself enough not to settle for less than she is willing to give is irresistible to a man, and that’s where the chasing you part comes in. A confident woman will never need to chase a man because he will be in pursuit of her.
Loving yourself is necessary if you want to attract the man who will best fit with you in a relationship. After all, what man wants to have to constantly reassure his woman all of the time? Sure, a little reassurance here and there, when she is having a bad day, is a wonderful thing, but if you are always needing validation from him that you are good enough, you could make his subconscious begin to believe that maybe you aren’t everything he saw in you at first.
6. Never degrade him
I have seen a lot of relationship advice articles that tell women how important it is that they never degrade their husbands or boyfriends in public. In those articles, they share the disrespect that a man feels when you run him down to his friends or complain about him on social media. While all of this is true, I also feel that it is important that you never degrade him at home in private, either.
Those articles that suggest that you should never publicly disrespect your man are absolutely correct. Public degradation in a relationship is one of the first ways to break trust and eventually break the relationship. But degrading him at home is not okay, either. If you want him to do something differently, you will need to express this to him respectfully, communicating your needs with him without putting him down.
Imagine you walk in the door and start yelling, “I am so sick of you. You are the filthiest person I have ever had to live with! Are you seriously too lazy to take out the trash?” Odds are the only reason he’d want to take out the garbage is to get away from you. But if you simply ask him, “Baby, do you mind taking out the trash when it starts to smell?” you are likely to get a much better result.
Once again, it is not okay for him to be abusive to you, why should you be abusive to him?
Relationship Advice for Women Seeking Women: Top 5 Tips
When it comes to relationship advice for women seeking women, everything is different, and yet, everything is the same. Many of the things that I have listed above still apply, so reading over them will definitely be of benefit to you. Communication, trust, respect, are all vital to any relationship, no matter what gender the partners are.
It is also important to remember that you are a team and should always be there to support each other. Abuse, degradation, and disrespect should never be given or allowed. All of this is true for all relationships. There are some factors that make women seeking women relationships special, however, and so we will address some dating and relationship tips for them here.
1. Don’t be afraid to be you
In any dating scenario, you have to be willing to put yourself out there. That means that you will have to overcome the fear that you could be rejected or embarrassed when someone sees your true self. This knowledge can make it scary to let your real self shine, and make you want to put on a fake persona that you think others will like.
The issue with this is that once you meet someone, they may fall in love with that persona and not the real you. But you will not be happy being anyone other than yourself, and you will not be able to keep up your façade forever. Eventually, the real you is going to come bursting forth, and the person that you have built a relationship with may not like her.
When this happens, you feel rejected and think to yourself, “See? I knew she wouldn’t like the real me…there must be something wrong with me.” You aren’t seeing the real issue. You simply weren’t a match for her. You’ve wasted time in a relationship with someone who didn’t match with you. If you had let your real self show in the beginning, you would have attracted the one who matches with who you really are, and not someone who simply doesn’t fit.
2. Don’t try to move too fast
There are many different types of women out there, and somewhere in the middle of all of that loveliness, you hope to find the one for you. Don’t be upset if things don’t happen as quickly as your fairytale dreams make you wish they would. Many women are cautious about who they date for various reasons and they may not rush into a relationship.
I know, I know, this can make it feel like your dating a typical scared-of-commitment guy but I assure you, women have those feelings, too. You may be excited that you’ve finally come out and decided to openly date women, you may be thrilled at the thought of finding that special one to share your life with, but don’t be disappointed if the first one or two women that you hook with just don’t seem to want more. In fact, don’t rush out to hook up with anyone. Take things slowly. You’ve got time.
3. Don’t try to force it
Just as important as not trying to move too fast, you should not try to force a relationship once you think you’ve found “the one.” While some people believe in perfect matches and soulmates and love at first sight, others will want to let things just happen naturally. The best houses are built slowly, from the ground up on a good foundation.
If you try to force a relationship where there just isn’t one, you will once again end up wasting time with someone who doesn’t fit with you instead of building something slowly with the one who could be that perfect fit. Rushing to build a relationship could make you miss out on important red flags that would show you that this person is not right for you. Don’t try to force it, just let it build and see what happens.
4. Realize if she wants long-term
Statistics show that women who are seeking women are most likely to be interested in long-term relationships and are not likely into just “hooking up.” While there are always exceptions to that rule, women tend to like security in their relationships, and they want them to last.
With that in mind, it is important to have a true feel for what your partner is looking for early in the relationship. If you are not ready to commit, then you should not connect with someone who is. This will only cause hurt feelings and could damage your reputation in the gay community.
This is especially important if you are bisexual. A woman who is gay may be looking for a monogamous relationship with another woman. She will not want to share you with anyone, male or female. If you cannot commit to only being with a woman, then you should not try to build a relationship with someone who is seeking that.
5. Learn to share…everything
Yes, I know, we just said that she didn’t want to share, but I am not speaking of sharing sexually here. I mean to be in a relationship with another woman, you must learn to share…a lot. Once again, there are exceptions to this rule, but many women like sharing their girlfriend’s clothes, makeup, jewelry, and more.
But let’s be honest, this isn’t just a lesbian thing. How many straight women do you know who loves to wear their guys’ hoodies or sleep in his t-shirts? Female partners just love to share everything with the ones that they love. The upside of this is that she is likely to want to share with you, too, and if you have awesome taste in women, then she will likely have awesome things to share.
Clothing and make-up aren’t the only things that you will have to share, unfortunately. There will also be household chore and bills to share as well if you plan on living together. Since this isn’t a traditional relationship, there aren’t set “male chores” or “female chores.” All chores and all bills belong to both of you. You will have to learn to share them.
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In Closing…
Overall, it doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you are in, the most important thing to remember is to show respect and treat the other person like you would want to be treated. When you are upset about something, don’t try to keep it inside but you should also avoid responding to it in anger. By sharing mutual respect and communication, a couple should be able to work through almost any problem that could ever arise.