When it comes to relationships and how to make them work for both partners, men will often find themselves shaking their heads and groaning in frustration. Especially when dealing with a member of the opposite sex, men tend to have absolutely no idea where to go next.
Even men who are interested in men can sometimes feel lost in a whirlwind and wondering,” Where can I get relationship advice for men?”
Don’t worry, Guys, we’ve got you. And if it makes you feel any better, women go through this, too!
Relationship Advice for Men Seeking Women: Top 6 Tips
Let’s first take a look at the advice that is aimed at men who are seeking the beautifully mysterious and sometimes allusive creature known as women. No matter how many battles that the sexes have had for equal rights throughout time, we all know that men and women are very different.
When it comes to relationships and dating, advice that may work well for most men may not help at all when followed by a woman. That’s why we will focus solely on men who are seeking women for this part of the relationship guide. So guys, here are a few tips to help you maneuver the sometimes tremulous waters that is the female psyche.
1. Talk to her
I put this one first because I cannot stress enough how important this can be in a relationship. Women have this innate sense that lets them know when all is not right in the world. Trust me, if something is bothering you, she most likely will know it.
When a woman asks, “What’s wrong,” it is because she feels that disturbance in the force that tells her there is something that needs to be addressed. You may feel that you are protecting her feelings or avoiding a fight by assuring her that everything is fine, but her imagination of what it might be is often much worse than what it actually is.
By telling her that nothing is wrong you can end up making her even more anxious than she should be over an issue that could easily be settled if you simply talked it out. When something is bothering you, it is never good to hold it in and let it fester. Just talk to her.
2. Listen to her
Of course, running close behind the need for you to talk to her is the need for you to listen to what she has to say. Although it is almost always the instinct of the man to want to run off and fix every problem, sometimes she doesn’t need a “fixer” as much as a listener.
While men tend to jump right on a problem and go to work to fix it, women will often analyze the issue and try to see it from every possible angle before settling on a solution. If she shares an issue with you, there is a good chance that she needs someone to bounce ideas off of more than someone to fix it. It is also possible that she simply needs a sympathetic ear.
If you are spending time with a woman and she tells you about a problem that she has or something that is bothering her, try not to butt in with solutions, or jump in to fix it before she has even finished stating what the issue is. Being supportive of her and hearing her out can sometimes be the only thing she needs from you. Just listen to her.
3. Don’t discount what she has to say
Another important part of listening to her is to not discount what she has to say or how she is feeling. If something has upset her, let her know that her feelings are valid. You should never make her feel that she is being over-dramatic by expressing what she feels or thinks.
While it may seem to you that she is overreacting or simply misunderstood something that you did or said, it is important to your relationship that you allow a woman to feel that she is allowed to get her feelings out without fear of being ignored or ridiculed. Lack of communication is the beginning of the breakdown of almost every failed relationship, so it is vital that both partners feel safe expressing their feelings, and that their feelings are validated by their partner.
That does not necessarily mean that you have to stand by and let her have a meltdown anymore than it is okay for you to have one. If a subject has become too volatile to deal with at the moment, it is fine to take a break. Perhaps say something like, “I am sorry that this has upset you so much. Your feelings are valid and should be addressed, but I feel that we both need to take a bit of time to breathe before we address this.”
4. Make decisions
I cannot stress this one enough! There is an ongoing joke on many social media sites about how women cannot make up their minds where they want to eat. A Google search of “I Don’t Know Restaurant” or “I Don’t Care Restaurant” shows numerous eateries, bars, grills, and other hotspots whose owners have monetized this idea. While there is nothing at all wrong with asking a woman’s opinion on anything from where to eat to whether or not to buy a house, men need to be able to be decisive when the time comes.
While the “Don’t Know, Don’t Care Buffet” is a funny joke and brilliant marketing idea, the problem with it is that women often just wish the man could make a decision. Whether the modern-day woman wants to admit it or not, women like to feel secure in their environment knowing that their man can make the hard choices if he needs to. If you cannot even decide where to buy your hamburgers from, it is hard to see how you will be able to handle bigger, more serious decisions.
For some women, this is also a sign that the man doesn’t want to deal with any responsibilities. If a man cannot make decisions about his career, his relationship, his family, or his household, it can feel as though he is leaving everything up to the woman and forcing her to deal with all of the issues in life. If a woman continually feels like this, chances are that she will eventually decide, “If I am going to have to handle everything myself, I might as well do it by myself.”
5. Help Her!
This one is especially for men who are in live-in relationships such as marriage or living together. In most households today, both partners have to work, and yet women are still expected to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, helping with homework, getting kids bathed and in bed, and planning for the next day. It is no wonder she isn’t feeling very amorous when you two hit the sheets.
If both partners in a household are working and sharing the bills, they should also be sharing the household duties, and that means more than just taking out the trash after she’s reminded you 15 times, guys. Offer to cook a meal or get take-out, wash dishes a couple of nights a week, do a load of laundry, or help the kids with their homework. You’d be surprised how just a few thoughtful actions could help keep that spark going.
6. Plan a special day
This one ties into several of the ones above. If you want to reawaken romantic feelings between the two of you, planning a special day for her is definitely a good idea. It shows decisiveness, that you not only made the choice to do something special for her but decided on what to do and made the plans yourself.
This special day could include any number of things. You might plan a day to go site-seeing, taking her to places that she’s mentioned a desire to see but just has not had the chance. You might also plan a couple’s spa day, where the two of you are pampered together. Or you could just simply plan a romantic dinner at a nice restaurant and let her have a night to dress up and feel beautiful.
It could also be that her special day has nothing at all to do with you. Offer to keep the kids while she has a day to herself to go and do whatever she wants. Even if you cannot take a whole day, maybe just give her an evening where she can get into a hot bubble bath and enjoy a good book with a glass of wine. You handle the dinner, the kids, the dishes, the laundry, and let her have her moment. It doesn’t take much to make most women feel special.
Relationship Advice for Men Seeking Men: Top 4 Tips
While men and women are definitely not created equal, relationships can be tricky no matter which gender you date. Sometimes straight men may think that dating is probably easier for gay guys simply because they do not have to deal with the beautifully wild and often insane female mind. But being in a gay relationship is much like being in a straight one in that trying to read and understand your partner’s needs can become very frustrating.
There are, however, unique issues that come with gay relationships, and that can sometimes make things seem even more complicated. Many gay guys struggle to make their relationships work and can sometimes find it hard to seek guidance. Because of this, it is important to know how to avoid some of the common mistakes that are made in gay relationships or relationships for men seeking men.
1. Open relationships are hard
While I don’t feel that it is anyone’s place to tell you not to be a part of an open relationship, I will say that in any couple, whether gay or straight, open relationships are hard. All too often, hearts get broken, trust gets broken, and then the relationship is broken.
One of the most important steps you can ever take before deciding on an open relationship is to sit down and discuss boundaries. I would suggest that you both write down any hard limits that you have to begin with, and never, ever push your partner to cross their hard limits! When someone loves you, they can feel obligated to give in when pushed, but they will most definitely resent it later.
Once you have your hard limits written out, you can come up with the boundaries and “rules” for your open relationship. After this, the only way to make it work is if both of you follow these boundaries without fail. These boundaries should be updated from time to time and communication is key to making it work.
2. Communication is key
As I just stated, being able to communicate is key for any relationship. If your partner does not feel comfortable talking to you, there I very little chance that he will open up when something is bothering him about the relationship. If this is the case, there is very little chance of the relationship working.
You can change this by making it clear to your partner that his ideas, concerns, and feelings are always valid and important to you. Even if you do not always agree with what he is saying or feeling, you must support his right to express it. Being a good listener and letting him feel that your relationship is a safe space for him will build a good foundation.
It is also important that the relationship is a safe space for you as well. You cannot keep your feelings bottled in and never talk to him when something is bothering you. You have to be able to share your feelings just as easily as you can listen to his. By both of you opening up, the two of you can see that this is a safe space and that your feelings are validated.
3. Rebounding is not a good plan
Just as it is with straight couples, rebound dating is a bad idea in relationships for men seeking men. If you have just had your heartbroken by the end of what you thought was a forever thing, it is not a good time to be out there looking for the next Mr. Wrong.
Take time to heal yourself and let your heart rest. You need closure on your past relationship before jumping into a new relationship or you will be prone to taking emotional baggage with you into your new home. Your new partner doesn’t deserve to have to deal with the aftermath of how your heart got broken, and he shouldn’t have to heal it for you. That’s your job.
The same is true if you find someone who interests you, but he just got out of a painful breakup. You need to recognize that he is emotionally vulnerable at this time, and to jump into something serious with him would be totally unfair. You can be friends with him, hang out and help him get his mind off of his broken heart, but intimacy and love should wait until he has had time to heal.
4. Don’t settle because it’s convenient
This can often be an issue for men seeking men, especially if you live in a rural area where there still aren’t many gay men who have moved out of the closet and into the dating scene. Far too many guys will get into a relationship that doesn’t really work for them, but they don’t seem to have many choices and don’t want to be lonely.
While loneliness can be hard to live with, it is even harder to be in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere just because you think it is your only choice. Settling for someone just because they are the only other gay guy you know right now is not the answer. This can only leave you wanting more… which almost always leads to cheating and heartbreak when someone else does come along, and they will.
Even if he is a great guy and a good friend and insanely handsome, that does not mean that he is a good fit for you. There are tons of dating apps and online sites for men seeking men; you don’t have to settle for the first gay guy who comes along. After all, how bad would it be for you to be stuck in a relationship that almost fits, and miss out on your soulmate?
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In closing, it is important to remember that no matter whether you are gay or straight, man or woman, communication and trust are vital to any relationship. Make time to make each other feel special, and never settle for less than everything you give. Successful relationships are not 50/50. They are both partners giving 100 percent and picking each other up when the other one is down.