Top 15 Questions to Ask a Romance Scammer in 2023

The fear of getting scammed online by a romance scammer is one of the biggest reasons people don’t use valuable dating platforms for help finding their partners. While many success stories have come from using these sites, some horror stories exist as well. With a few well-placed questions, you can determine a scammer before it’s too late! We have compiled our picks of the top 15 questions to ask a romance scammer. Check them out!

Could you be a victim of a romance scam? Click here to search…

Spotting A Romance Scammer

Spotting A Romance Scammer

Have you ever come across someone online who just seems a little… off? You get a bad feeling, and though they seem to be great, nice, attractive people, your gut says something different. Maybe you have had a friend get scammed, or you saw a horror story in the news, and now you’re paranoid to log onto your dating site.

You can use this list of 15 questions to help you get to the bottom of the scammer mystery. Spotting a scammer is done easily with these questions, and the red flag answers they may provide, so be prepared to do a little bit of stealthy interviewing next time you get that “bad feeling”.

Common Red Flags

One of the best parts of getting to know a new potential romantic partner is that insightful “getting to know you” stage. Couples will share stories of their past, personality dynamics, dreams, and future hopes… and if all goes well, they start building that hopeful future together. A scammer has no interest for this sort of exchange and will instead dodge personal questions and escalate the flirting and romance quicker than normal.

Some people are private, but there is a line between modesty and shy nature and being a fraud account. Asking some questions with a potential match who may be a scammer can help you decide if they are a genuine partner or someone who wants to take advantage of you.

These 15 questions to ask a romance scammer will open up natural, beneficial conversations… and the red flag answers we provide as scam examples will help you weed out the frauds and focus on the real deal.

Could you be a victim of a romance scam? Click here to search…

Top 15 Questions to Ask Your Online Match

Throwing in any, or all, of these 15 “getting to know you” questions can help you gauge both their genuiness, and their interest… plus, you’ll learn a lot about your potential partner, too! Take the dating advice and the scam prevention advice all in one easy-to-follow list of the best questions to spot a scammer.

1. What Is Your Full Name?

A scammer will be reluctant to answer their full name

Often times, you’ll see that scammers use very plain names, or maybe two first names as their full name. James, John, Charles, and other pretty classic names are popular among scammers, and if you pry in this gentle way into their identity… they may withdraw even more. Asking for a middle name, the last name, or both can be a good way to both get information for a background check, while also gauging their reaction.

Red flags: A scammer will be reluctant to answer, or question why you want to know, or even flat out refuse. If they do give an answer, it may be just as plain and common as their first name, and of course… it won’t bring up real results on a background check.

2. What Is Your Family Like?

Everyone has a family. Sometimes it’s a good, wholesome, positive connection… and other times, it’s a bit more tragic. Either way, if you’re dating with the hopes of marriage in the future, you’re going to need to know about your mother-in-law. A scammer will often talk highly of the promise of marriage, so this is a very reasonable question to ask.

Red flags: Scammers will be hesitant to talk about their family, or may claim they “have none” while they refuse to give a reason why. Other times, you may be met with a dramatic story of abuse and then a sly request for money to help them “get away” from their abusive family members.

3. Where Did You Graduate From? When?

tips to spot a scammer

Most people have gone to college or at least high school. Inquiring about their education, especially if you notice several simple English errors in their spelling and grammar, can help you get a better feel on both their legit nature and their actual level of intelligence. Plus, it gives you the chance to share your own college experiences.

Most people have gone to college or at least high school. Inquiring about their education, especially if you notice several simple English errors in their spelling and grammar, can help you get a better feel on both their legit nature and their actual level of intelligence. Plus, it gives you the chance to share your own college experiences.

Red flags: If a scammer claims to have graduated from some prestigious college, such as Harvard, yet seems to lack several of the basics of English or American things… he is lying. Scammers may be unable to “remember” the year they graduated, or be very vague by saying simply “just a community college” or that they did their schooling “overseas”.

4. Do You Have A Favorite (Local) Restaurant?

Many romance scammers claim to be in the military or in other countries for work, like in the famous oil rig scams. They often will say they are from some known city, or maybe your own… yet as the conversation progresses, they seem to have little knowledge about their actual proclaimed city. Asking them questions, such as simply where they like to eat back “home”, helps you see if they’re telling the truth.

Red flags: The scammer will not answer the question, saying they aren’t sure, or it’s been so long, or they may provide some generic chain store name. McDonald’s, maybe, for instance. They’ll be unable to provide a genuine location that is specific to the city or region.

5. Where Was Your Most Memorable Vacation?

Most people in their lifetimes have taken a trip in some form or other. This sort of recollection is a very private, specific thing to offer someone… and many times, it’s hard to fake it. There also is no copy/paste message that a scammer can easily use to bypass the question.

Red flags: Scammers have little to say about themselves or their experiences, vacations included. If your match claims to have “never been”, yet is currently overseas for a reason, it’s pretty clear they’re lying.

Could you be a victim of a romance scam? Click here to search…

6. What Is Your Astrology Sign?

using astrology in your dating life can be rewarding

Many times, using astrology in your dating life can be rewarding. It’s a pretty basic, common question to ask about someone’s sign, and then debate the potential synastry between the two. Some may take it further and ask for a natal chart, and this can be done by asking for birth city location and time of day. Could a scammer answer these questions? Nope!

Red flags: Scammers may be inconsistent with their alleged birth date, or their sign may not match what is listed on their profile. Some may claim to dislike astrology, or be confused about it, and if you try to get more information to discover their other signs… they will resist.

7. When Will You Come Back To The States?

Not all but several scammers will claim to be American (or Canadian, depending on where you live) citizens who are overseas for a variety of reasons. Often times, this will become a way for them to get your money, by claiming they need funds for transportation or to escape situations. Asking early on their exact plans for returning “home” will help you combat those financial requests later.

Red flags: Having no plan about returning to the states is a bad sign. They should already know their departure date, the airline, or even where they will return home to. Since a scammer has no real intention to fly back to the USA, they won’t have an answer for you.

8. What Sort Of Dishes Do You Enjoy Cooking?

Along with many hobbies, getting a scammer to open up about cooking can help expose them, as well. They may have easy copy/paste messages about how they enjoy cooking or other things, yet are not easily able to answer specific questions. Everyone has a favorite dish to cook, right?

Red flags: They struggle to choose an answer, they cannot explain the dish, or it’s something very generic like “pasta” or “dinner”. Other times, it may be a genuine answer, but a bit strange – for example, maybe they rattle off a dish that is exclusive to Nigeria but claim to have only just arrived to the country for work.

9. Do You Want Children In The Future?

Scammers are always so, so eager to talk about progressing the relationship and get serious fast

Scammers are always so, so eager to talk about progressing the relationship and get serious fast. They’ll speak of marriage and living together and happily ever after… yet have little substance to actually offer this big idea they present. Discuss topics like children, owning a home, and watch them backtrack just as fast!

Red flags: Most of the time, a scammer will say what you want to hear, so they may just sound like repetitive parrots. “Yes, I love kids”, and just mindlessly agreeing. Other times, you’ll notice how they become skittish around the question – may be saying things like, “We’ll talk when it comes time for that”, yet they already have spoken of marriage.

10. Can We Video Chat?

It’s always a good idea to see someone on a video call before ever taking things too far or too seriously. This should be a staple in any long-distance relationship or even a precautionary step to take before a face-to-face meeting.

Red flags: Scammers will refuse, and offer you a plethora of excuses. They’ll range from being busy, too insecure, to not having a good enough connection, having no equipment to do so… the list goes on, but in the end, they never are able to do so.

11. Ask Them To Call You

scammer will refuse, and usually have conflicting reasons as to not talk on call

Many victims of scammers have had phone conversations before (which is a great way for them to bypass a video chat). However, it’s always done because you call their number, which is usually a foreign one… leaving you with a long-distance phone bill. Instead, get them to make the effort to call you.

Red flags: For whatever reason, a scammer will refuse, and usually have conflicting reasons as to do so. Other times, they won’t even talk to you at all, either claiming they have no phone number or they are uncomfortable with the idea of it.

Could you be a victim of a romance scam? Click here to search…

12. What Is Your Instagram/Twitter?

Most scammers don’t have the time or motivation to build a full life of their persona online. You usually find fairly bare accounts on popular dating sites or even Facebook and Craigslist, with a couple of pictures and very limited information. Getting a closer look at their personal lives through other social media forms can help you see the real person in there.

Red flags: Most Americans have at least some sort of social media account, from Facebook to Snapchat to Instagram. Sure, the older demographic may be limited, but a good red flag is if all profiles appear fake or bare.

13. Do You Have/Want Pets?

Man’s best friend is a dog, and several people have pets, or once did, or hope to do so. This is one of the easiest questions in the world for someone, yet for a scammer, it opens a whole new door of lies they must keep up with. Now they have to fabricate a pet, or a reason for a lack of one, and maybe even promising you a dog or cat in the future.

Red flags: Whatever their reaction is, it’s squirrely and odd. They seem unable to commit to an answer or seem confused by the nature of the question. Most kids have childhood pet stories and yet a scammer oddly has none at all.

14. What Are You Looking For In A Relationship?

What Are You Looking For In A Relationship?

One of my personal favorite questions to ask on a dating app is what are you looking for here? This helps not only decide if you want the same things but weed out those who don’t fit my vision for the future.

Red flags: Scammers will almost always answer with some idealistic, but very unlikely, answer. They want true love, they want marriage, they want happily ever after… but it doesn’t sound sincere. Most people online who are genuine aren’t as eager to confess that to someone they recently met on an app.

15. When Can We Meet?

Obviously, if someone claims to love you and you begin to feel the same… you’ll want to meet them. Ideally, this part should come before the desired L-word, but sometimes it doesn’t work this way. Asking, setting, and planning on a date to meet in person is vital to any relationship.

Red flags: They won’t meet with you! There are 100 excuses they give, and almost always, they end with needing your money in order to get face-to-face with you… and even then, it’s vague and ambiguous.

Could You Be A Victim Of A Romance Scam?! 

It is important that you perform a quick background search on who you are actually speaking to on the internet (you can do that here). The common questions that spring to mind are:

  • Are they using fake identities?
  • Am I really speaking to a real person from the USA?

To help the users of this site we have partnered with BeenVerified so you can search exactly that. This searching service may help reveal almost everything about this romance scammer and if they are a real person!

Helpful Information Available on BeenVerified:

  • Criminal Records (Please search this!)
  • Photos  (Helps search if same photos are used for multiple profiles with different names)
  • Email Addresses
  • Phone Numbers
  • Social Profiles (IMPORTANT – Do they have a real social profile or multiple)
  • Home Addresses
  • Relatives & Associates
  • Sex Offenders Register (Be safe who you are meeting!)
  • And More…

If you have the slightest doubt about who you are speaking to… Please use this service!

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chelsea king - chief editor of romancescams
Written by Chelsea King

Chelsea has been a direct victim of romance scams herself losing over $35,000 in a span of a year in 2015. She joined and took over operations of in 2015. She brings first-hand experience in studying romance scams, and also experience in vetting dating sites for legitimacy. Read more of Chelsea's articles.

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