Being cheated on is one of the most painful feelings that a person may experience. Besides betrayal, you can also lose your self-esteem and even yourself along the way. It will make you question yourself as to why this is happening to you when all you did was to give your all.
Whether you’re someone who has been cheated on before or no, all the information below will surely help you know if you are being cheated on. You will also know what to do right after being cheated on and how you can move on from this ordeal. So continue reading below and get to know all the information necessary.
Tips On How To Catch A Cheater
To help you out, I’ve decided to share with you some tips on how to tell if your partner is cheating on you. You shouldn’t be ashamed for thinking that way, especially if your instincts are already telling you that something may not be right. These subtle signs below will help you know if your partner is cheating on you even before you do a background check on him.
Sudden Blank Stare
A person who’s been cheating always have that blank stare ready when the time comes that their partner starts asking questions. For instance, if your partner had a business trip last weekend. You can ask him how it went well, and you will notice the blank stare as if he isn’t listening. But he is, he’s only doing that to help himself remember what he had told you earlier.
Becoming An Expert
When he suddenly becomes an expert on certain things that he was never interested in the first place. If he starts talking about dogs and some facts about them, it can be because the woman he’s cheating you with is into dogs. The reason why this is happening is that a person can absorb some of the interests of another if they are always together. This is also a way for the person to talk about something about his affair.
Often Stressed Out
People who are stressed out can experience anxiety due to the guilt that they are feeling. The reason behind this is because the affair should remain as a secret. This will create a visible effect on the person, like your partner. If your partner is often stressed and is always experiencing insomnia, then there might be something going on with him.
Avoiding Certain TV Shows
Shows, where the plot is all about having an affair, will inevitably affect your partner. He may even not watch them entirely because it will make him genuinely uncomfortable. So if you are planning to watch a movie or a TV show that involves affair and such, you surely won’t be seeing that movie or show together.
Lack Of Empathy
As partners, there will always come a time that you will share with him some issues with you and your friends or anything similar. So if you share something with him about your friend being devastated because she caught her husband cheating, he wouldn’t feel any empathy at all. He might even say that it’s good for them because marriage isn’t a happy one.
The reason why he is doing this is that he doesn’t want to condemn that person. If he condemns the person, it will feel like he is also condemning himself and he will never let that happen.
Jealousy Streak’s Gone
He used to get jealous when someone is staring at you or any parts of your body. But you seemed to notice that he is actually starting to tease you when someone’s looking at you. It looks like he no longer cares if someone is looking at you or if someone likes you. The reason behind all these is because he is having an affair and by doing all the teasing it feels like he is justifying his extramarital affair.
Gets Jealous At Weird Instances
He knows that you are very friendly and courteous, but when you started smiling at a waiter or saying thank you to the man who held the door for you, he suddenly gets jealous. The reason behind this is because since he is in an affair, he thinks that you might get into one as well.
Typically, he will start giving you gifts that he already stopped giving you. For instance, he again started giving you lingeries from your favorite store or from any kind of lingerie store. The reason behind this is because his libido has been reawakened by the person that he is cheating you with. If he doesn’t really give you lingerie or he stopped doing so, and all of a sudden he is now, then that’s a sign that he is cheating on you.
Feeling Young Again
Now, if he also stopped asking you out or asking you for drinks, then that’s a clear sign that he is up to something. Typically, people who are having an affair will feel impulsive and young again. They will start asking you out often and surprisingly, and they might even ask you out to go on parties and such. Having an affair can clearly show on their behaviors.
Driving By Himself
There will also some instances where he would stop asking you to pick you up. If he started to tell you to start driving your car to work because he needs some time alone; he begins to pretend to drop by somewhere, then your instincts may be right. Usually, couples will go on a drive together no matter where it will be. If this starts to change then, he may be driving with someone else.
Messed Up Rituals
Another sign would be when rituals are starting to get messed up. For instance, if the usual routine is him eating dinner then walking the dog afterward, and it stopped from happening, then there must be something wrong. If he starts having dinner then going to the room after, leaving you with the dishes and walking the dog, then he might be too excited to get on his phone.
Just like with becoming an expert, he starts having new expressions. This is because he absorbs these expressions with the person that he is seeing. If she is spending a lot of time with this person, then there’s no doubt that he’d get the expressions that this person has.
People who cheat don’t want to get caught. That is why they make sure that they call every particular hour of the day. Or if they are going to be home by 6, then they always make sure to be home around that time.
Always On The Phone
Another tale tell sign is that he or she is always on the phone. Also, if your partner does not usually take phone calls away from you, and he suddenly starts doing it then that means that there is indeed something is really going on. Typically, this is an indicator that your partner is having an affair.
Red Flags On Social Media
Getting paranoid on social media can be normal, especially if you see that your partner is interacting with someone with the opposite sex. But if you start seeing someone who is trying to flirt with your partner online, and your partner is not doing anything about it, then something might be going on between both of them. If you confront your partner about it and he is being mummed then they must be having an affair.
Check for secret accounts that they may have, and you might just found what you are looking for. There are other not so popular social media sites and checking them out would be best. You’ll never know, they might have an account there where they expose their love to each other.
Longer Work Hours
If your partner suddenly has longer working hours instead of the usual, then there must be something going on. This is of course if it starts happening too often, then he may have been having an affair. Also, if you have been noticing that your partner is starting to cancel some of your plans due to work reasons, then your partner may just be seeing his lover.
Checking Out Other People
One sign that can prove that your partner is cheating or has a tendency of cheating is that they love to check people out. Based on the study conducted, people who ignore anyone no matter how attractive they are has a low chance of cheating. If your partner keeps on checking out someone, then that can be a sign of issues with commitment.
Top Reasons As To Why People Choose To Cheat
A lot of people who have been cheated on by their partners have these questions in their minds for so long. They think that they may be lacking something that is why their partners decided to cheat on them. The truth is, it is always the fault of the one who has cheated. He chose to cheat, and it’s not your fault at all.
So I’ve decided to round up the top reasons as to why people choose to cheat. Continue reading the information below, for you to find out the ideas as to why they decide to cheat instead of just becoming faithful with their partners.
If a person is unsatisfied with the sex life that he or she has with the partner, this can cause for the person to find it somewhere else. This can be because you are starting to get bored or you want to explore more. Also, if a person can’t rely on their partners to do everything that they desire, they tend to look for it somewhere else. This is why sexual affairs can also happen without the need to love a person.
Falling Out Of Love
Another reason as to why cheating happens is because one of the couples have started to fall out of love. This is one of the main reasons as to why people cheat since love is the strongest motivation for a person to find someone else. This can be hard if you’re married because falling out love can’t be the reason as to why a divorce should be made.
Feeling Of Neglect
If your partner starts to feel unappreciated and that you no longer have time for her, then this can cause for her to look for someone else. There are other people out there who are more than willing to give attention and appreciation for her. This can cause for her to look for that someone; thus an affair may start to happen.
Cheating also happens during different situations, like on a vacation alone, drunk, or if you are under stress. These things can make you create decisions which can lead to cheating. Even a one night stand is considered as cheating, and surely, if your partner does the same, you will also find it as one. Being drunk may not help you think clearly, which might make you a risk taker. This, of course, flirting with women and eventually having sex with one of them.
Wanting To Have A Variety
There are also people who want to have a variety because of the saying, “you only live once.” The phrase may be , but this doesn’t mean that you need to cheat on your partner just to have different sexual experiences with as many people as possible. You surely don’t want your partner to do that with you.
Issues With Commitment
People who have issues with committing with partners tend to cheat. The reason behind this is because they are too scared to commit to just one person. They don’t like to be tied down because they feel like they will lose their freedom. This is why they prefer to cheat as they feel more free.
Based on research, people who have been cheating have improved their self-esteem. The reason behind this is because it is a sign of their independence, thus increasing their popularity and social status. But the truth is, the status that you are portraying is one that nobody can trust.
Anger Against Your Partner
If you have been angry at your partner because you are suspecting him or her of cheating, then this can lead you to revenge on your partner. The problem in doing this is that both of you then become cheaters.
One of the most common reasons as to why people cheat is because they are very selfish. They only think about themselves and not care about the person that they are going to hurt with their actions. As mentioned above, you have nothing to do with your partner cheating with you, and it’s just him or her being selfish.
Why Does Cheating Occur
As mentioned above, there are different reasons as to why people cheat. Besides the above reasons, there are also risk factors that can contribute to cheating. Some of these risk factors can be childhood issues and personality disorders.
A frustrating marriage can be a big trigger, wherein the cheating wife or the cheating husband will try his or her best to fix the marriage. There are tons of reasons associated with cheating, but in this section, we will focus on the risk factors as to why cheating occurs.
Risk Factors: Relationship
One of the risk factors would be the relationship itself of the couple. Here are some of the factors that can lead to cheating:
- No respect at all
- Financial issues
- Emotional abuse
- Domestic violence
- Compatibility is wrong
- Physical and emotional disconnect
- Lack of communication
Risk Factors: Psychological Issues and Personality Disorders
An individual who has a personality disorder or someone with narcissistic traits have a high chance of cheating. The reason behind this is because being a narcissist will let you feel entitled to cheat. People with this kind of disorder also lack empathy, wherein they don’t care about the outcome of their actions. Here are some of the issues and disorders that can contribute to a person cheating:
- Sex Addiction
A person who has a sex addiction has a high tendency to cheat. The reason behind this is because they don’t feel satisfied with their partner even after marriage. This will make them look somewhere else to help satisfy their hunger.
- Childhood Issues
Childhood traumas, including emotional, sexual, and physical abuse are all associated with a person cheating. The possibility of a person cheating is high especially with one or more of the childhood issues mentioned above. This can happen if the issues have never been addressed and left unresolved.
Also, if a person has been exposed to infidelity as a child, it can cause for the child to grow up committing the same mistake. According to a study, children who have been exposed to a cheating parent have a high possibility of having an affair in the future.
- Mental Illness
People with mental illness, including bipolar disorder, are known to have a higher possibility of committing infidelity in marriage. The reason behind this is because of how their brains are wired. If left untreated, this can cause issues in the wedding itself.
Risk Factors: As An Individual
- Previous Cheating Issue
Cheaters may change, but according to a study conducted, people who have cheated are more likely to do it again. Whether they have cheated before or after the marriage, they have the tendency to do it again. Of course, a person can always change, but it would be best to watch out for the signs, mentioned above.
Addiction to gambling, drugs, alcohol, or even porn can post as a risk factor. The reason behind this is because they tend to be more confident enough when doing the things mentioned.
Getting Over Someone Who Cheated On You
Accepting The Pain
Whether your relationship lasted for a couple of months to 10 years, being cheated on is painful. Some people tend to ignore the pain and try to go on with their lives, only to haunt them later on. The best thing that you can do is to accept the pain. You can drink or go out with your friends and cry your heart out. And of course, you can always be alone and let yourself feel the pain.
Give More Time
Getting over someone who cheated on you is not an easy thing to do. This is most especially if this happened so suddenly and you don’t have any idea that something is already going on. The pain may be too intense or not, but it will be there for quite some time. Give yourself more time, and you will eventually heal from all the pain in the end. Don’t rush into anything yet; just focus on your healing.
Access The Relationship
Being sad and lonely after this incident can be the only things that you are feeling. This may be because of how you miss how good the relationship is. But what you’re forgetting is that there are also bad things that had happened. Typically, a person who has been cheated on will believe that nothing wrong has happened in the duration of the relationship. That the only thing that ruined the relationship is the cheating part. Believe it or not, you may not see it right now, but if you access the relationship, you may start to see those signs.
Talking To A Therapist Or Mentor
There is nothing wrong with asking for professional help especially if you’ve been stuck in that awful moment. The best thing that you can do is to talk to a therapist or even a mentor. They are the best people to talk to and help you get through the betrayal phase. You can also be with them most of the time as this can help you know how they have moved forward through betrayal.
Stop Blaming Yourself
Stop blaming yourself for something that you didn’t actually do. Some people who got cheated on tend to blame themselves for their partner’s affair. All sorts of blame may get through your mind, but you are not at fault here. Stop blaming yourself because this will lead you nowhere.
Keep Your Kids Out Of The Issue
If you and your partner have kids, it would be best never to involve them with the problem. Of course, this will only be needed if you are married and both of you decided to end the marriage. If not, then you can just skip telling them because it may cause anxiety. They may think that they need to choose sides, and that should never happen.
Take Care Of Yourself
The next thing that you need to do is to start taking care of yourself. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you need to splurge on spas and shopping, but a little won’t hurt. This especially if you have the ability to support those things. But taking care of yourself is not all about money; this is also about rebuilding yourself. Start eating healthy and exercising as both of these can help you rebuild yourself in a better way. Of course, don’t forget to have some fun along the way.
No matter how hurt you are and outrage you are, it would be best to avoid seeking revenge. Avoid talking bad about your partner in front of your family and friends. You should also avoid using social media and lashing out there about what happened. Remember that this is a private issue and you should deal it with only the ones you love. Plus, seeking revenge will never make you a better person.
Use Your Energy Somewhere Else
Being in a relationship can be fun, but there are things that you can no longer do. But now that you are trying to move on from your cheating partner, it is time for you to do those things. Start focusing on yourself and do the things that you missed or want to do before. The liberating feeling that you will experience will be strong and will help you to move on.
Be With People You Love
You can also start setting up a lunch or dinner with people who you love and the ones who love you. Mingle with everyone if you can as this will help you get back on your feet in the end. At first, this may not be easy, especially if someone asks you about it, but you will get over it.
Now that you know how to tell if your partner is cheating, the factors that can contribute, and how you can move on, it is time for you to start doing your research. Start using the tips above to know if he or she is indeed having an affair. Avoid jumping into conclusions or into fights without having a solid proof that your partner is indeed having an affair. Always remember never to blame yourself for your partner’s infidelity.