You never expected it to happen to you– you’re in a relationship with the love of your life, and everything seems to be going fine, until you hit a rough patch. Things go south, and before you know it, one of you ends it, and you’re single for the first time in what feels like forever. You might feel lost, with tons of questions, and no answers. Maybe one of you cheated, or lied to the other; maybe you were both just fed up with how things were going and came to a mutual decision to call it quits. Regardless, you’re hurt and alone, and you aren’t sure what to do.
Days pass, then weeks, maybe even a couple of months, yet you’re still down in the dumps and not at all over your ex. But why, though? You’ve read all types of articles and blog posts online on how to get over your ex… You’ve even taken up some obscure hobbies in order to get them off of your mind, but nothing is working! This has to mean something, right?!
Just when all hope seems to be lost, you check your phone, and Voila! Your ex has finally texted you after what seems like forever. Your stomach flutters and flops as you read these magic words:
I wanna give us another shot. Can we try this again?
You are overwhelmed with excitement, confusion, and worry. What if this doesn’t work out, and I’m back to square one? What if she decides a do-over was a mistake, and leaves again?
You can’t think that way, dude. Just take a deep breath, and know that there are ways you can try your best to repair this broken relationship of yours!
7 Tips to How to Fix a Broker Relationship
If you get the ever-so-rare opportunity to try and make it work with your significant other, do not take it lightly. You probably won’t get another chance to redeem yourself, so take advantage of these circumstances to prove that you can and will make this relationship work, no matter what it takes.
There are a few tips you can follow in order to boost your chances of keeping this thing going, and if you can keep to each one of them, you are way more likely to keep your partner this time for many years to come!
Take things slow
No matter how long you were together previously, it may benefit you both to take things slow in the beginning of your new relationship. Don’t look at it as picking up where you left off– you’d technically be pressing the reset button and starting fresh. Go out on a couple dates, don’t blow each others’ phones up, and give each other some space. You’re both still recovering from the breakup and will need a little time to get all of your thoughts and emotions together.
Maybe one of your main issues with one another was the fact that your relationship lacked communication. In that case, you’ll want to make sure that any and all issues or feelings you have within this newly revamped relationship need to be discussed in a healthy, understanding way. Don’t form unnecessary arguments and accusations based on what your partner says; actually listen, keep your mouth shut while they’re speaking, and take what they are saying into deep consideration. Their feelings and opinions are just as valid as yours, so if you want them to take you seriously, then you will have to do the same for them.
Don’t be stubborn
Learn to compromise on certain things! Stubbornness is a negative trait that can taint an otherwise functioning relationship, to the point where your partner will want to call it quits once again. When you simply cannot budge on a subject or come to some sort of agreement, it can make your partner not even want your input on things, and will drive them away. It could be something as simple as what’s for dinner; say you want Italian but she wants Chinese.
Rather than arguing about food, talk things out and come to a compromise and get a totally different kind of food instead. You’ve both been wanting to try out that new Mexican place down the street, so maybe this could be the perfect opportunity to give it a shot! That way, you can avoid a petty argument over dinner and just get back to enjoying each other’s company.
Take responsibility for your actions
This sort of goes hand-in-hand with stubbornness and compromisation; you simply cannot have a healthy relationship if you cannot take responsibility in situations where you’re in the wrong. Talk it out with your partner, apologize, and assure them that it won’t happen again. Starting a senseless argument because you refuse to accept your actions were incorrect is a huge no-no in relationships, especially one that is broken and in dire need of repair. You should never feel dumb or silly for being wrong, you’re only human, and us humans make mistakes!
Keep a date night tradition
Whether it’s once a week or once a month, date night is completely vital in relationships. You don’t have to spend your entire paycheck on some lavish getaway; your partner will likely be satisfied with a nice little walk on a beach, or even a night in with some takeout and Netflix. It isn’t hard to keep your partner happy, you just have to make time for them, no matter how busy your life may be. Making time for one another is extremely important, especially when one or both of you are trying to prove yourselves to one another in the event of repairing a relationship.
Put forth all your effort
Rekindling a romantic relationship is nothing to half-ass. Just sort of trying will land you exactly where you started: broken and alone. Your partner has given you a second chance (or vice versa) and wants to go about this relationship the right way, Your entire heart and soul needs to be poured into this, but only if your partner is doing the same. The two of you will have to spend a lot of time and energy making this work, and if you can do everything right this time, you are way more likely to make it last!
Keep things fun!
Having to restart from the beginning may seem dreary and frustrating at times, but you can make things fun, of course! In fact, it will be a huge benefit in your efforts to try and reignite the flame that burned out between you two. Turn grocery shopping or cleaning into some sort of game, or even a contest– like whoever finds the best deals while shopping gets to pick dinner for the night; whoever gets done cleaning their parts of the house first gets to pick the movie. Just including small wagers like these in your lifestyle can keep things fun and lighthearted (just so long as you aren’t too competitive!)
Bonus tip: Seek professional help
Sometimes, doing these things alone cannot fix what’s broken between you and your partner, so you decide to have an outsider intervene. You can absolutely see a marriage or couples counselor, whether you’re married or not. They can give you some professional pointers along with trust exercises, advice, and outside opinions based on what you both tell them. They will likely speak with you each individually, then together, to determine what the underlying issue is and whether or not the relationship is worth saving.
What to Do if One of You Cheated
This is a whole other ballgame when it comes to repairing your damaged relationship. Cheating can deeply hurt someone and completely diminish any sort of trust or respect they had for you, but lots of couples seem to be able to make it work after one or both of them cheats. There are plenty of ways you can mend your partnership if cheating is what drove you two apart, but we will keep it short and simple and straight to the point!
Whether it was you or your partner who cheated on the other, you will both need to somehow be able to trust one another again. Digging through phones and snooping on social media is unhealthy, toxic behavior, so just throw that out the window. Give your partner a chance to prove that they are a changed person and will never betray you again, then slowly build up trust from there. People make mistakes, and if you truly love your partner and want to make it work, you’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.
Definitely seek a professional
As we stated above, going to see a couples counselor could be beneficial when trying to mend your relationship, but I strongly recommend it if one of you has cheated. People don’t just betray their partners for fun; there is usually some sort of underlying issue that needs to be assessed and a plan implemented on how you can both get past this.
Set boundaries with each other
There’s nothing wrong with having platonic friends, and I am definitely not suggesting becoming some sort of overbearing, hovering partner when it comes to the one who has cheated– I’m just saying maybe there could be some simple, basic boundaries that are set between you both. For example, if your partner is a male and is friends with a bunch of single females, you may want to let him know that he won’t be hanging out with them without you around. This may not sound appealing to you, but if he would rather hang out with single women than you, then you may need to just leave him where you found him in the first place!
Forgiveness is key
Above all else that you do in order to fix your relationship, you must forgive one another. You cannot move past your mistakes without forgiveness. If there is no forgiveness, then there is no reason to try and make your relationship work. Don’t be petty and stubborn– put the past behind you and move on if you are truly wanting to give your relationship another shot. If you can’t seem to get over what your partner did, then it may be best that you both part ways for good so that you can each go on with your lives.
When to Give Up
If you have exhausted all of these suggestions and then some, but still can’t seem to make things work right again, you may have to accept the fact that your relationship has run its course and that it’s time to end it for good. Don’t feel bad, though! You can walk away from all this knowing you did your best to try and fix things between you two, but it just wasn’t meant to be. Who knows– maybe you can end up being friends in the end of all this!
At the end of the day, if the love is still there and you’re both willing to give it another try, it’s always worth it, no matter how long you’ve spent apart. Everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect; relationships can be difficult no matter how deeply you love someone.
You have to fight and work hard to make a relationship last, and if you’re willing to go above and beyond to make your partner happy, you may just last a lifetime! You just have to be willing to make sacrifices, take some chances, and have plenty of patience in order for this second go-round to work out in your favor. Just love each other as hard as you can, put one another first, and take the time to give your relationship another chance. Take baby steps, one at a time, and work towards your future together; be ready for whatever it may hold for the both of you, and more than anything, have FAITH!