It’s inevitable; if you’re between the ages of 18-30 something, and you’ve decided to enter the dating world, chances are you’ll cross paths with dating a woman with kids. Nowadays just about everyone has kids, even the young ones! It’s a sacred rite of passage that women have been experiencing younger and younger in the last decade.
You’re bound to find a package deal if you’re looking for love, and if you’ve never been with a woman with kids, just know they are an entirely different breed! Not only are you just meeting a new girl, but you are pursuing a relationship with a mother who has given up her freedom, her patience, and her body for another human being. She has likely not even gone out on a date in months, and hasn’t done anything for just herself in even longer.
When a woman decides to have children, she makes the decision to give up her once carefree life to care for a tiny little being for at least the next 18 years. Now that’s a sacrifice! So if you’re wanting to learn just what you’ll be getting into, here is everything you’ll need to know about dating a woman with children.
Weigh The Differences
If you haven’t yet pursued a relationship with a single mother, be prepared; you have never experienced something of this magnitude. You need to be ready for all the baggage that comes with having children, and if you aren’t ready for kids, then you may need to just stop right here.
There is no easy way to get around dealing with children, especially if they live with her full time. It’s loads of fun, and there are definitely many more positives than negatives, but you need to be mentally prepared for anything that this relationship throws at you!
Women with children are a pretty common thing in the dating pool, especially online dating. Since it’s harder for them to get out there as much, they turn to mobile apps for quick matching and flirty conversation. It’s important to note that most single moms online aren’t really looking for a hookup. Their eyes are set on a relationship!
Pros of Dating a Woman with Kids
She isn’t too needy or demanding
Single mothers have been forced to adapt to the lifestyle where they do everything for themselves, whether the baby daddy is involved or not. She is independent, strong, and extremely tough. Her patience is solid as a rock and she knows how to get whatever she needs done, DONE. Even if she collects child support, and the kids are with their dad some of the time, the time when she doesn’t have her children is likely filled with work, sleep, and unfinished chores. She probably has limited free time, if you want blunt honesty here, so you need to keep that all in mind.
She is extremely loyal
When dating a single mom, it is probable that she’s been scorned or wronged in some way, which resulted in her being a single mother. Not only does she just simply not have time to cheat, play games or lead you on, she probably knows what it’s like to deal with an unloyal partner, so that makes her much less likely to mess around on you! Trust is a big thing for a woman with kids.
She is selfless beyond belief
Once you’ve literally sacrificed your body, patience and sanity for tiny humans, you have no choice but to put them first, which also means everyone else is put before yourself as well. Coworkers, family members, friends, partners, even strangers are put on a pedestal even if they don’t deserve it, because she’s so used to putting her children first she has forgotten what it’s like to care only for herself.
Don’t think any single human soul is above her children, ‘cause that’ll never happen. She will likely bend over backwards to make sure everyone else is okay before she even thinks about checking up on herself. My advice to you is make sure she knows she is still valid, and that having children does not mean she doesn’t deserve some self care. If you develop a serious relationship with a single mother, forget the flowers and gifts! She just wants to go get her nails done, take a two-hour long uninterrupted bath, and come home to a clean house!
She isn’t obsessed with her appearance
It can get very annoying to date women who are literally non-stop caring about how they look. Makeup every single day, constant weight loss worries, whether the clothes she’s wearing are expensive-looking enough.. These “concerns” are virtually nonexistent in the eyes of a mom.
She doesn’t have time to get all dolled up every day like she used to, and diets are hard to keep up with when she’s too exhausted to cook 3 healthy meals a day, so she gives into McDonald’s or pizza a couple times a week. The life of a mother is exhausting and putting so much time and effort into appearance is way too much to add onto the completely packed schedule she already keeps, vanity just doesn’t take up a huge chunk of her life.
Now, I’m not saying she just doesn’t care about how she looks; that’s not it at all! You just don’t have to worry about her taking 3.5 hours to get ready to go to Walmart. Sweatpants and t-shirts are her best friends. A nice dinner every once in a while is a good excuse for her to get ready and feel a little better about herself when the kiddos aren’t accompanying, so definitely allow all the time she needs getting ready for that, because that opportunity comes so seldom it just doesn’t matter the amount of time needed to pretty herself up. When you do see the product of a little extra TLC in her makeup and hair routine, you will fall in love with her all over again!
She knows how to love deep and hard
A woman’s children are her whole entire world; a true picture of what unconditional love really looks like. You’ve never known love like you have for your very own child, and once you’ve experienced that, you know what its true and honest definition is. If you end up in a serious relationship with a single mother, be prepared to be loved like never before. She has such a deep understanding of one’s needs and wants and will do her best to make you feel loved. Again, no love will match what she has for her babies, but she will love you harder than you’ve ever been loved before!
Cons to Dating a Woman with Kids
Her kids always come first
I know it’s a little harsh considering this a con, and really it’s not terribly negative, but if you require 100% of a woman’s attention in a relationship then you’ve come to the end of the road. No matter the situation, how long you’ve been planning something; if an emergency occurs with her kids, she will drop literally everything and go to be with them. You could have a weekend-long getaway, hotel booked and dinner reservations made, but when it comes to something happening to her children, a vacation is the last thing on her mind.
She probably doesn’t trust many people with them either, so don’t think date night is gonna be frequent. And if her kids don’t like you, she’ll likely tell you to kick rocks and be on your way. Sure, all kids don’t like their mom’s partners at first, but if they haven’t warmed up to you within a month or so, then you had better end things on decent terms or else she will. You have to be understanding, though, if you aren’t looking to marry this woman AND her kids, then you’ve not only wasted your time, but all of theirs, too.
She does NOT have time for you
Blunt, yes, but honestly, she really doesn’t. Between school, housework, extracurricular activities, school projects, errands, and whatever else her busy life consists of.. She simply does not have the time to worry if all your needs are met. The best thing you can do is help her as much as possible in any way you can and just be patient with her.
She has super powers, she will somehow make time to hang out with you, you just have to be willing to work with her schedule and not get annoyed if you have to wait days or even weeks before you can get a moment along with her! My advice to you is, attend her kids’ soccer games and dance recitals with her, go grocery shopping with her, help her around the house.. You still get quality time, and she gets things done a lot faster so it’s more likely she will have time to relax!
Sexy time is not on demand
Say you are over at her house, the kids are all sleeping, and you’ve begun a little “Netflix and Chill” (you know what I mean!) You’ve started getting a little hot and heavy, but just as clothes are about to come off, her 6-year-old makes his way into the kitchen for some water or a late night snack. You have to stop completely, and though the mood may be ruined, you cannot get frustrated.
This is his territory and you are intruding! Whether his interrupting was intentional or coincidental, you have to be understanding that kids have zero respect for boundaries and pop up out of literally NOWHERE at the worst times. Bedroom performances may be seldom, so you might need to ensure the kids are in no way able to bust in on y’all doing the deed! Lock the bedroom door, put on a movie for the kids in their rooms, leave snacks and drinks, and know you have about 15 minutes to get done before they come searching for mama again. Nights they spend at Grandma’s are much easier to get busy, and the waiting makes it all worth it!
What to Expect from Each Age Group
Kids of different ages have different unique quirks about them.. Toddlers and teenagers may share some similar characteristics, such as mood swings, constant eating, and weird sleep schedules, but sometimes having a teenager to worry about is easier than a toddler and vice versa.
Here is what you can expect from each age group of kids, and what to do when you’re dealing with more than one kid!
This, perhaps, is one of the most sensitive age groups to be dealing with. These are babies. Your woman is still hormonal and emotionally unstable and is likely running on two hours of sleep and four cups of coffee. All kids are exhausting, but these early years are some of the most challenging by far!
Tiny babies need constant love and care, especially from their mama. Your date will likely still be struggling with her baby weight, too, and that is a BIG deal for women, especially after their first child. Baby weight can be extremely tough to get rid of, so frequently remind your girl how gorgeous and strong she is! She needs lots of compliments, love, hugs, and most importantly, COFFEE.
If you’ve never dealt with babies before, then saddle up, because you are in for the ride of your life. No sleep, crying, tantrums, poop and pee everywhere, stomach viruses, and much, much more. They may look sweet and innocent, but these precious little bundles of joy can be far from that. They are tiny, but their emotions are very big, and they don’t quite know how to deal with those yet. Hence, tantrums and blood-curdling screams over the smallest inconveniences.
You have to remain patient and resilient throughout, Mama is very likely at the end of her rope, and she definitely does not need the added stress of a partner who can’t handle the everyday of small children. So be her partner, not just her boyfriend/girlfriend/lover. Share the load with her and do whatever you can to make her life easier!
These years are probably as easy as it gets when it comes to kids… And you’ll still find yourself pulling your hair out from time to time. I would have to say these are perhaps the most formative years of a child’s life, when they’re really figuring out who they are as a small person, and when their little personalities take full fruition. They can handle their emotions a little better, they can wipe their own butt, and you don’t have to keep your eye on them 24/7.
However, they are much more attentive and perceptive of what’s going on around them, so be mindful about what you say and do in front of kids this age. They are sponges when it comes to information and will remember things you say that you yourself don’t even recall saying. So, have fun! P.S., 9 times out of 10, kids this age really aren’t afraid of much, so they’re more likely to hurt themselves, so be careful!
Here’s a fun age! Just when they’re starting to hit puberty. Awesome!! Full of emotions and entitlement, these youngins can prove to be quite difficult to deal with. Their bodies are changing completely and they have no idea what to do. They’re starting to have feelings toward the opposite (or same) sex, they start asking where babies come from, and they cry a LOT.
They get angry and emotional towards things you may not see as a big deal, but to them it is. It’s a relatively short-lived phase once they do start, but just know what you’re getting yourself into with this group of kiddos. They can be very caring and sweet, and even knowledgeable- but beware of the puberty… Guys and girls both experiencing changes and it’s really just a big mess. Be there for your woman, she is going through a lot with kids this age, and so are her offspring. It gets better, I promise!
The beginning of the teenage years, what beauty and grace. Breakouts, breakups, boyfriends and girlfriends, hormones, and much, much more! These emotional trainwrecks are ruthless and fear nothing. You may luck out and meet a woman who has her sh*t together when it comes to her kids, but that’s likely not the case, literally none of us know what we’re doing when it comes to parenting. Even if you did know everything, there is no amount of knowledge to prepare you for dealing with a young teenager.
They’ve done the whole puberty thing, but now they’re starting to feel strange all in their bodies.. It’s all so new to them, and they think they’re in love with every human they find mildly attractive. Girls will get their first boyfriends and “date” them for three whole days, only to have their hearts crushed when they see him holding hands with her arch nemesis in the break yard at school. Guess what? Her mama has to be there for her, every single time it happens.
Young teens are super sensitive to just about everything, so you really have to tread lightly on any and everything you say. Once you get used to the routine, you shouldn’t have many issues, other than the occasional breakdown due to mom not letting her go to the mall with her sketchy friends, or not letting her son have his girlfriend in his room with the door shut. Ah, good times!
The final stages of childhood are hard on everyone, especially the mama. Her baby is almost grown, starting to drive, and actually applying to colleges! Teenagers are essentially giant toddlers, with their moods and slamming doors and crying and whatnot. There isn’t much you can do to prepare for having a teenager, you can really only just hope for the best. They’re more likely to challenge you, the newcomer in the household, to establish dominance.
You can send them to the store for groceries and errand runs and whatnot, so that’s pretty convenient!
Plus you can have meaningful, adult-like conversations with them and truly get to know them as a person. Teens are just as difficult as the rest of the ages, but with it being the end of their childhood, your woman is an emotional wreck, knowing she’s about to have to let go of her once tiny baby, and allow them to venture out into the real world.
Be there for her, take her to do things to keep her mind off of the inevitable, and know that you’ll finally get that alone time you’ve been wanting! All you have to do is send the kid to Walmart with an extremely long list, you’ll be alone for hours!
Now, this was not meant to be crass, or even make all the different age groups of children sound terribly negative, because the good always outweighs the bad! Kids are just a very delicate, complicated part of a relationship but if you feel you’re ready for that responsibility, it can be a piece of cake.
Single mothers are some of the most kind hearted, loving, trustworthy and loyal people in existence, and you’d be a fool not to at least try and court one once in your life. Only if you are ready for kids…even if they aren’t yours, they’re gonna be around no matter what! This is an amazing adventure to embark upon, and although life with kiddos can get tricky at times, there are instances where they just warm up your once cold, dead heart with nothing but love and pure sweetness. So, if you think you’re ready for this journey, I’d suggest you hit up Match or Plenty of Fish and explore your options, as those are perfect dating platforms for finding partners of all sorts, especially single moms! If you are lucky enough to experience a relationship with a single mother, enjoy every second of it! It is unlike anything you’ve ever endured in your entire life.
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