Dating a Selfish Man in 2020: Things to Know, Pros, Cons

There’s a fine line between being focused on yourself and being selfish. When you’re dating someone, it can be difficult to know the difference. This means you might end up dating a selfish man. Learning to observe how you connect with someone is useful in any relationship, and can help you look out for selfish people.

Each one of us is selfish at times and generous at others. It’s a fluid state that can swing one way or the other but is rarely maintained all of the time. That being said, if you’re dating a man with selfish tendencies, then it’s best to know what you have in store for you. 

Things to Know When Dating a Selfish Man

Things to Know When Dating a Selfish Man

Many theories suggest that self-interest is the main motivator of human behavior. It generally means being focused on yourself. To take it one step further, it can also mean taking actions that put yourself at an advantage.

Putting your needs above the needs of others can come across negatively and positively. This single element alone is not enough to earn someone the label selfish. There are many more character traits that you’ll experience when dating a selfish man. Where a person like this most stands out is in their lack of consideration for others.

Dating someone that you find out is selfish can be tricky. It isn’t always obvious from the very beginning, and it can mean that your expectations for the relationship aren’t met. On the other hand, it gives you the opportunity to explore your independence and self-interest too.

Pros of Dating a Selfish Man

Dating a selfish man might sound like it’s all doom and gloom, but it has some good points:

They Take Care of Their Needs

There are neutral and even positive ways to be selfish. In order to be a functioning member of society, we all need to perform certain tasks for ourselves. People who look to themselves soon get an understanding of what they need, and then they take action to meet those needs.

Since a selfish man will have decided what he wants and then have gone after it, he should be happy with where he is in his life. This is positive when it comes to dating, as it’s much less draining to be around someone who has it together and knows what they want.

You Can Be Independent

The selfish man that you date will be focused on himself and taking care of his needs. It’s a two-way street, so you should also have the opportunity to go after what you want and spend some time working on your goals. Make sure that you both have ‘me time’ and that he doesn’t need you to focus on him too.

This level of independence can be a great balance for both of you. Dating someone who takes time out to meet their own needs, leaves you time to pursue your interests, which means you should both be fulfilled. This only works if you focus on yourself. Don’t join them in the pursuit of their goals unless they’re willing to do the same for you.

They Don’t Over Commit

The pleasure of dating a selfish man is that he knows how and when to say no. Of course, sometimes he will say no to you, but the important thing is that he knows what he can and can’t do. The result is that he won’t give up time that he doesn’t have.

When you’re with someone who says yes to everything, you’ll find that they have so many commitments, it can be hard to find time to date them. A selfish man might be guarding his time carefully to focus on himself. However, if he’s making time for you too, then his life balance will be working, and you’ll be a part of that.  

They Take Opportunities

An essential part of being selfish is thinking about what you need. The next step is to act on that and get what you want. This means that a selfish man will be going places rather than remaining stagnant in his life. Since he is always reflecting on how he can get what he wants, he doesn’t let an opportunity pass him by.

This determination and ability to take action might be how you get together with a selfish man in the first place. They go after what they want, which means you won’t need to make the first move. It’s another trait that will lead him to be happy rather than unfulfilled, which is a great attribute in a partner.

They Don’t Suffer Fools

All of that time thinking about themselves brings a certain level of self-awareness to a selfish person. They’ve worked out what they want, which means they won’t let anyone step in to mess that up.

If you’re supportive of their goals, then you’ll get along fine. Anyone else who gets in their way, or isn’t focused and working on themselves, won’t have a place in their lives. Someone who knows what they want, what they don’t want, and won’t be taken in by just anybody is attractive, and it helps you know where you stand in a relationship.

Cons of Dating a Selfish Man

Cons of dating a selfish man

Being selfish can have an unpleasant side, especially when it’s a part of the person you’re dating:

They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

Working on yourself is all well and good, but it crosses a line if you expect everyone to devote their time and attention to your goals too. If you date a selfish man, there’s a chance that he won’t respect your boundaries.

If he can’t respect your need to say no, then you might have some difficulties. His needs can come first for him, but that shouldn’t stop you from attending to your own needs. His life is important, but it shouldn’t be the center of your universe as well as his.

They Don’t Take Risks

Sometimes the idea of gaining the advantage and putting themselves in the best position possible makes a selfish man afraid of failure. One of the necessary evils of growth and development is taking risks and learning from failure. For those who are determined to meet their needs, the risk of failure can seem too great.

The selfish ideal of improving and being the best can blind your date to doing anything that doesn’t immediately advance their situation. This means you might have to persuade them to try new things or dedicate time to activities that involve learning something new where they have to put themselves out there and might fail.

You Don’t Feel Valued

Over time, when dating a selfish man, it can begin to feel like you aren’t a priority. Self-improvement is a never-ending task, and there is a balance to be struck on meeting your needs and looking up now and then to appreciate the people around you.

Selfish men can tend to get lost in their own plans and goals, which means they might not be there for you when you need support. We each assign our own value, but a relationship involves give and take, and showing appreciation. If that’s something that you each see differently, it can be very frustrating.


Bottom Line

The word selfish has many negative connotations, but it doesn’t have to be all bad. Remember there is a fine line between being narcissistic and selfish. Not every selfish person is unable to consider other people’s needs. They might just spend a considerable amount of time on their own, which can make them a pretty great person.

Dating and relationships revolve around two people. It’s important that each person’s needs are met by themselves, but also by the other person. This means that dating a selfish man isn’t for everyone, and the downsides might outweigh the benefits on some occasions.

This is especially true if they maintain boundaries but don’t respect yours. There are a surprising number of positives to dating a selfish man. It can mean a fulfilling and independent lifestyle for both of you. However, it’s essential to know what you’re dealing with so that you can adapt your approach accordingly. Meeting someone who recognizes and meets their own needs can be rare, so don’t write off all selfish traits as bad ones.



Chelsea King
Written by Chelsea King

Chelsea has been a direct victim of romance scams herself losing over $35,000 in a span of a year in 2015. She joined and took over operations of RomanceScams.org in 2015. She brings first-hand experience in studying romance scams, and also experience in vetting dating sites for legitimacy. Read more of Chelsea's articles.

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