You’re dating a musician and you want to know what to expect. She might be a singer with an angelic voice, or he could be the drummer in a tribute band. Musicians can’t be lumped together in a single category because there are so many types, and each musician’s situation and circumstance is different.
In order to have a lasting and successful relationship, there are things that you should know about dating a musician. We have a guide with everything you need to know!
Things To Know When Dating a Musician
Not every musician has cut an album, nor will every musician become a Grammy-winning artist. They are all different. For some musicians, music is a hobby or side hustle. For others, it is a full-time job and the hope is to hit it big someday.
With each set of circumstances varying so widely, the first thing you need to do is to ask your musician what his or her goals are so that you understand what you are getting into. If music is a side hustle that is taking up all of his free time, leaving you sporadic moments together, then this might not be the relationship for you.
Many musicians are paid by gig, and they are constantly on the lookout for their next gigs. The lucky ones who make a full-time living playing music are often part of a house band, or even part of a cruise ship staff. They might work at a resort, and thus have a set work schedule with set hours.
More often than not, however, musicians look everywhere for gigs and they will take whatever comes their way. This can often lead to challenging side effects for a relationship.
Pros when Dating a Musician
Fellow Music Lover
If you love music, then dating a musician is perfect for you. Who else will be able to share in your appreciation for music as much as a fellow music lover?
A word of caution, though: Make sure you love the music your musician plays. If it isn’t your style, then having to hear it performed over and over again might prove difficult.
New Locations, Exciting Events
Dating a musician means that you will frequently be able to see him perform in exciting locations. He might be the opening act for a popular band at your favorite local venue, or the band might be hired to play one weekend at a theme park or resort.
Depending on your musician’s popularity, you might find that he’s traveling beyond your city to perform. Casinos are a big source of revenue in their quest to bring in fun and exciting entertainment. You never know where your partner might end up, and that means you might be able to tag along.
In addition to exciting locations, your musician partner might participate in fun events such as music festivals, street fairs or even during music-oriented events like the Rock and Roll Marathon, which features live local bands playing at every mile marker at marathons across the country.
With thrilling locations and exciting events to look forward to, you never know what you’ll be doing on any given weekend or evening.
One With The Band
When your relationship turns serious, you will be welcomed into the band family. There could be wives and husbands who tour around, or even girlfriends and boyfriends. Once you’re a member of the band family, it means that you will be open to gossip of all kinds, just like any other family.
For the most part, this won’t be a negative thing. However, it can be challenging to be part of a close-knit family when there is in-fighting or you see things you wish you hadn’t, like a cheating wife.
Be ready for everything that gaining a second family will bring, and that includes the good and the bad.
Never A Dull Moment
If you enjoy traveling to exciting locations and experiencing once in a lifetime events and opportunities, then dating a musician will be your cup of tea. When your partner’s line of work calls for different locations all the time, you never know where you might end up. You could be in Las Vegas one night, Los Angeles in another and in Phoenix two nights after that.
You might also be able to meet celebrities and members of major bands, depending on the venue.
Being “with” the band means you might be able to travel around and enjoy the perks of being in the band’s entourage. That could mean free drinks, access to nightclubs and restaurants and admission to sold out events.
Life won’t be dull, that’s for sure!
Making It Big
These days, there are plenty of reality television shows where bands and musicians can compete for a million dollar contract or a residency in Las Vegas. Making it big used to be a pipe dream until reality television and the internet came along.
If your musician isn’t on a reality television contest, consider starting a YouTube channel or Instagram account. These will help to build a fan base, and if the number of subscribers reaches a certain amount then you can even profit from social media.
Regardless, exposure to a wider audience is everything. Being seen by a worldwide audience can lead to incredible things, so even a garage band of 50-somethings can keep the hope alive of making it big.
No Control Over The Schedule
If you are someone who enjoys having a regular schedule, then you might have trouble adjusting to being with someone who goes where the work is. During the busy holiday season when people are hosting parties, he could be working every night.
He might have to work on holidays, and he may not be able to control his schedule if your birthday coincides with a big gig.
The other downfall is not being able to have spontaneity in the relationship. If your musician’s schedule is based on gigs that are planned out in advance, you will have to work around the schedule. You won’t be able to plan a surprise dinner or an overnight stay out of town because he has to show up for work.
For some people, this isn’t a problem at all. Just like teachers or lawyers having to work late, so too do musicians who perform in the evenings. It really is an adjustment on your part. However, if you work a traditional nine to five job and you want to spend your time watching Netflix with your partner, you might struggle to find time to do so if she’s always working at night.
The Gig Economy
Being a musician generally means that your partner will be paid per gig, unless she’s in a house band that performs regularly and is on staff, meaning regular paychecks. Or he could be in a very popular local band that is in so much demand that people come to the band to ask them to perform, so they never have to worry about booking gigs.
More often than not, though, singers and bands are on the hunt for work everywhere. When times are good, such as during the holidays when there are lots of parties, then they are making lots of money. The flip side, of course, is that when there aren’t many gigs available it can be challenging to make ends meet.
If this is the case with your musician, then you should be prepared in case they need help financially. If you live together, you might be asked to pay more than your share of rent or expenses. You might not mind this once or twice, but after a while it can be a lot.
You need to understand your musician’s long term goals and whether or not they are something that you can live with. If you find that the answer is no, then you will need to move on. You shouldn’t have to foot the bill.
Stress, Stress And More Stress
Creative people tend to get stressed out. If your musician partner has decided to make music a career, then there is not only the stress of performing to deal with but also the stress of making ends meet and covering costs. Some gigs will cover travel expenses and others won’t.
It is hard to be creative when you are stressed out, and so you might find that your musician experiences mood swings or periods of depression when she can’t book a gig. Make sure you’re ready to support her when those moments arrive.
The Bottom Line
The benefits of dating a musician far outweigh the detriments, but you need to know what you are getting into before you go too far down the rabbit hole. If you want someone who will be around on night and weekends, then dating a musician really won’t work for you. However, if you value some alone time and you love going to new places, then being with a musician might work for you.
The key to knowing whether you will be able to have a successful relationship with a musician lies in knowing whether or not you can adjust to being with someone who has a shifting schedule. If you can adapt, and if you embrace being able to share in the excitement of being “with” the band, then you will be in for a big treat.
Your perseverance might pay off, too, if your musician makes it big on reality television or on social media. These days it happens more often than not, and you might even take it upon yourself to make that your unofficial side project. You can take videos and post them online for a worldwide audience to enjoy, thus increasing your partner’s fanbase.