Back in the 1950s, or really any decade before, like, the 90s, women were expected to be homemakers, caretakers, and the mothers of everyone.
Women had virtually no voice, even after they had been granted the legal right to own property and vote and all of that way back in the day. Women simply were just regarded as the lesser sex, and were expected to succumb to the word of a man, no matter what. She was supposed to make sure her husband was well-kept (as though he were one of her children rather than a fully grown man); her children were well-fed, clean and well-behaved; her house was to be spotless as though no one ever actually lived in it, and on top of all that, she had to be put together herself, with a smile on her face!
Well, I think they caught on that this was unfair, and that they deserved just as many rights and as much recognition as any of their male counterparts, so the feminist movement was born. It’s been around for quite awhile, but the radicals didn’t really start showing their true colors until more recently. Not every feminist is a hairy, free-bleeding, angry radical, though; there are plenty who take a much lighter approach to their feminism while still managing to be an active advocate for women’s rights. Today, we will delve deep into what dating a feminist is like, and trust me– it’s not near as scary as you think it is!
What A Feminist Really Is
When you hear the word feminist or feminism, your first reaction is likely to run far away and never look back– but you shouldn’t base your judgment just by what you’ve seen or heard from social media. The press almost always picks up on the most negative qualities of whatever the subject matter is, and feminism is the perfect scapegoat to take advantage of.
In reality, a feminist is someone who is passionate about women’s rights and the protection of women’s bodies and voices. The feminists of the world want to ensure that women are not subjected to the final word of a man or anyone trying to suppress them.
The exact definition of feminism is “the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes”, rather than the fact that women are better than men. There are just so many misconceptions about the reality of feminism, and most people aren’t willing to be educated on the subject, simply because they’ve only heard negatives.
Feminism is actually quite beautiful if you read up on it; there are several interesting articles that are on the subject of feminism that make it seem way less scary than what radicals lead on. Like I said, the media will literally go to a feminist protest or march, find the craziest, loudest ones there, and focus all of their attention on them, rather than speak to the ones who are a little more level headed. I mean, can you blame some of these women? Being suppressed for SO long, and continuing to have to deal with it in the 21st century is extremely exhausting.
Dating A Feminist
You will want to know some of their main boundaries before taking the plunge with a woman who is a feminist. No, she probably won’t scream at you for leaving the toilet seat open, but making sexist remarks or going against some or all of her political and social views might not go over too well for you. Here are the biggest pros and cons of sealing the deal when dating a feminist!
Pros of Dating a Feminist
This one’s pretty much a given– she will argue and debate until she is breathless when it comes to something that she is passionate about. Women’s rights aren’t the only thing that feminists care deeply about; she may also have a special place in her heart for animals or kids, and will fight to the death for their rights as well. Don’t even try to have a heated debate with a woman who is an avid feminist, because chances are, you will lose.
She’s likely comfortable in her own skin
Feminists take a lot of pride in their views on body positivity, no matter what skin they’re in. They likely don’t worry about looking made-up and dressy to go to the grocery store, and you won’t hear them constantly complaining about their bodies and appearance. This doesn’t apply to every single feminist, as some still experience normal insecurities, but one of the main views of feminists are that they believe in body positivity. She’s also more likely to lift your self-esteem up if you’re feeling a little self conscious; feminists don’t need the chiseled, clean-cut man that a lot of other women vie after!
They are pretty independent
When dating a feminist, you likely won’t have to do a whole lot for her. She probably does just about everything for herself rather than depend on a man for help, which is good! A feminist’s core beliefs circle around the idea of independence from a man, both financially and physically, so you may not have to help her with much, and you probably won’t be expected to pay for every single date either! A lot of feminist women either insist on going in halves for dates, or taking turns paying for them.
Cons of Dating a Feminist
You can NOT even make a joke about sexism or misogyny
I mean, it’s a little messed up to joke about these subjects, but a lot of times, people may not realize that their jokes are sexist or misogynistic. For example, making a “joke” about women belonging in the kitchen, or how having more women at a party or within a friend group to “have more options” or anything of that nature is a huge no-no. I wouldn’t really consider this as a con, as you shouldn’t make jokes that would be considered sexist anyway.
She may not shave (which is NORMAL)
It is totally normal not to shave, but I am including it as a con, because it is not everyone’s preference. In the 21st century, it is still somehow expected of women to be baby smooth from the eyebrows down, and if you prefer this on a woman, you should really reconsider. Body hair is completely normal and women shouldn’t have to live up to these age-old expectations anymore. You are certainly allowed to have preferences, but it should not be an expectation.
You might not agree with her views
Feminists have pretty solid views on subjects such as politics, abortion, childbirth, and a wide variety of other subjects. You don’t have to agree 100% with every belief she may have, but you do need to respect them. You also need to understand that a woman’s body is hers only, and you basically have zero opinion on anything that has to do with her body. Don’t even discuss politics honestly, unless you know you share the same views.
Need To Know About Feminism
There is a lot that can be said when it comes to knowledge of feminism, but I will try to keep it as short and as easy to understand as possible.
Men can be feminist, too!
Say it ain’t so! Yes, it’s true– feminism is not limited to the female gender. Men can definitely participate in feminism as long as they understand boundaries and support all of the views that feminism is about.
Not all feminists are bad; not all are good
There are millions of feminism advocates out there, and some are more extreme than others. Radicals may be a little too much to handle, as they are quite a bit more involved in the protesting and rallies you see on the news. To give you some relief, these women likely aren’t worried about dating at this point in time, so you probably won’t have to worry about them.
There are many types of feminism
Mainstream feminism, black and womanist, cultural, anarchist, ecofeminism, liberal– these are just a few of the long list of different types of feminism that exist in the world today. You can learn more about them here.
Feminists are not man-haters
You don’t have to be afraid of all the feminist women that exist in the world– chances are, as long as you aren’t a misogynistic jerk, then you can get along with them. Just understand their views and beliefs and never try to talk over them or prove them wrong, and you should get along just fine.
Best Dating Sites for Feminists
There are a couple dating sites that are ideal for feminists to use, especially when they’re tired of dealing with the same types of guys and girls over and over again. Not every single woman is feminist, so if a feminist woman is looking for another woman, it shouldn’t be assumed that they will get along perfectly simply because they’re both women.
This dating site makes it easiest for feminists to find love with someone who either shares their views on equality or supports them irrevocably; either way, you have the option to include that you’re feminist in your profile or that you’re looking for feminist men and women.
As one of the most common dating platforms available, Tinder is a great way to meet fellow feminists! You can include that you are a feminist in your bio, or search for men and women who are.
5 Ways To Win Them Over
1. Have open-minded discussions about feminism
It’s no secret that feminists are very passionate about women’s rights, so if you can hold a mature and open-minded conversation with your feminist partner about her beliefs, along with agreeing to most–if not all– of them, you may just win her over!
2. Attend feminist events
This is a sure-fire way to attract a feminist woman. Of course, you should never attend any events that you do not personally support or agree with, nor should you do it just to impress a woman (kinda defeats the purpose, ya know?) but attending rallies and marches and actively participating is a good way to get noticed by the feminist women.
3. Let her be comfortable in her own body
NEVER expect anything when it comes to beauty standards. She wants to go on a date with no makeup on and her hair unwashed? No problem. Has she skipped on shaving the past week or so? WHATEVER! She is still a beautiful, powerful individual woman who should never be uncomfortable in her own body.
4. Skip the usual chivalrous behavior
You may not think this makes sense, but it’s almost sexist to assume that a woman wants to have everything done for her by a man. Feminists believe heavily in female independence, so having doors held open for her or other small tasks that she is perfectly capable of doing may offend her. Just avoid it altogether, or ask her how she feels on the subject.
5. Just be yourself
Feminist women are not worried about any theatrics or any sort of act you may be used to putting on for the attention of other women. You never really have to worry about trying to act “cool” in front of them, either. They know how to appreciate someone for who they are rather than for their looks or skills of any sort. You can breathe a sigh of relief if you find love with a feminist; a few extra pounds or a couple days of laziness will conjure no judgment here!
To conclude, you really just need to keep in mind the fact that not all feminist are crazy man-haters; men can also be feminists; feminism isn’t as scary as you think, and you really can share beliefs and get along with a feminist counterpart! Go into it with nothing but love and good intentions and you are more likely to succeed!