With the successful popularity of 50 Shades Of Grey, a popular novel adapted for the silver screen that features an introduction to a BDSM sexual relationship, many people have grown interested in the kink and what all it may entail. Online dating is great for finding sexual partners, and these top-rated hookup and dating sites for the BDSM community are great for beginners or an experienced dominatrix. Check out our top picks of the best BDSM dating sites on the Internet today!
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6 Best BDSM Dating Sites
Just by Googling BDSM dating site, you’ll probably find dozens of results… which makes the decision difficult. The community isn’t small at all, and it’s far less taboo than you may realize. People are opening up to the erotic elements of it.
If you’re looking to hookup with someone into BDSM, you probably aren’t looking to start a genuine relationship… at least, not at first. With that in mind, I’m steering clear of the expensive websites. Here are my top picks for affordable BDSM dating and hookups, verified as safe to use and pretty reliable when it comes to finding an amazing partner.
AdultFriendFinder Review
My personal recommendation for hookup websites will always be AdultFriendFinder. It’s quick, easy, safe, active, and reliable. Of course, it wasn’t made as a niche site for the BDSM community, but it has enough kinky people on the platform to connect you with, so don’t worry about that!
Pros:
- Profiles are detailed and informative on sex-related topics so you can get a feel for their bedroom personality instantly
- Millions of members
- Free to use and try out! Always a valuable plus-side
- It’s not geared towards relationships
Cons:
- Limited features for free
- Less fully featured than Match or other big-name sites
- Not niche specific to BDSM
- Less active in rural areas
Scam protection:
I’d never recommend a site unless it was safe to use. Since scammers avoid hookup sites, this place already doesn’t qualify for someone to try and steal your heart and money. Instead, you should be more worried about other sites, and just enjoying the quick satisfaction of this one!
Alt.com Review
Many consider Alt one of the best sites for BDSM connections, and I have to agree. With nearly 12,000 members advertised as online currently on the site and a great reputation for being active, Alt has a dedicated set of members, and it’s free to try out!
Pros:
- 2,000,000 users are registered on the site according to the information offered on their webpage
- They focus on all fetishes, with a strong emphasis on BDSM
- Both large and small chat rooms help you have group and personal conversations
- Subgroups help you connect with the exact partners you want
- All sexual orientation and gender identity is welcome
Cons:
- You’ll need to purchase one of the two membership options for actual interaction
- Only 600,000 of the users are reported as regularly active
- Bot and scam accounts may be found on the site in small portions
Scam protection:
Alt.com isn’t exactly vigilante in protecting their members. You can notice a few trolls or bots, and maybe even a few brave scammers have signed up for the site, but these are generally easy to point out. You need an interest in the BDSM community to fit in, and scammers definitely don’t, so if you pay attention, you’re safe to enjoy the site!
Match Review
Unlike many of these other sites listed, Match is a subscription-based dating website, and tends to be geared towards forming long-lasting, meaningful relationships. It’s not abused for quick hookups, which makes it great for many people, if you can afford the membership. Plus, it has the biggest memberbase of dedicated and active singles, so you’ll definitely find someone else into BDSM.
Pros:
- Free to try out to get a feel for the site
- Tons of users, always active daily
- 6-month match guarantee
- Fun games, contests, and features to get you involved
- #1 dating site for anyone, with any sexual preference
- Friendly for LGBTQ+
Cons:
- Requires a paid membership to actually interact with other members
- No specific BDSM search settings or categories for members to select
- It’s not a site ideal for hookups
Scam protection:
Match is potentially the safest site to use for online dating and connections, and that’s one reason it made the cut for this list. The site watches accounts for scam behavior patterns and they verify accounts as they’re created. It’s easy to spot a fake!
Fetster Review
When you visit Fetster, you’re part of a community. You’ll notice this is a trend within BDSM dating sites, and the simplistic design and layout that Fetster has is ideal for focusing on the task at hand. The site is entirely free to use, also, so it’s always worth checking out and signing up!
Pros:
- Interactive forum for conversations
- Find matches by searching groups and kinks
- Advanced search filters include sexuality, drug usage, and more
- Education subpages to help you learn more about the kink
- You can upload images, videos, and even blogs on your account
- Browse different BDSM events hosted
Cons:
- The site doesn’t remove inactive users
- It’s smaller and lesser known than some bigger name websites
- Not many other features aside from networking and socialization
- Hard to find people in your immediate area
Scam protection:
Fetster doesn’t do much when it comes to verifying accounts past the email needed for creation. That being said, the BDSM community is small enough to fly under a scammer’s radar, and this site particularly is more on the celebration of the kink, so a scam account is very unlikely to pop up on the forums. You’re protected!
BDSM.com Review
As the name suggests, BDSM.com is designed for exactly the type of partner you’re looking for. The mainpage promises nearly 1 million active members, which is far more than any of the other niche dating sites have to offer! Plus, it’s interactive and intuitive with it’s members, and safe for use.
Pros:
- BDSM singles looking for other BDSM singles from all forms of identity
- Join or create your own groups for networking and meeting others
- Matchmaking with similar interests and nearby location
- Large picture galleries
- Major roleplay groups for online sex
- Frequent member blogs updated
Cons:
- To receive and send messages, you need to pay
- No way to block messages or even filter them… which is frustrating, especially for women who are bombarded
- Difficult to spot a catfish or fraud account
- More focused on online sexual relationships than in-person
Scam protection:
Though the general account and user reliability is a little sketchy, there doesn’t seem to be a danger to your checking account. Since the site is a paid membership one for actual interaction, scammers will avoid it already, and being a BDSM niche site, it’s even less likely to get scammed. Your biggest worry is someone tricking you with fake pictures. That sexy lady may be a man on the other end!
Fetlife Review
Though not technically considered a dating site, Fetlife has been the first step in several amazing sexual (and sometimes romantic) relationships. It was designed as a platform for any and all fetishes to be accepted and explored and celebrated, but BDSM dominates most of the members and communities.
Pros:
- Free to use
- Active, dedicated member base with groups, forums, and chat rooms always popping
- Quick, easy messenger system
- The ability to upload photos and videos
- Lots of information on BDSM and other kinks
- Friendly to literally every kind of person out there
Cons:
- A bit outdated, past its prime
- Not designed for dating, but more of a community forum feel
- Includes all fetishes, so you may find those with contrasting interests you’re attracted to
Scam protection:
As far as I can tell, this site is safe. You won’t find any stories of people being swindled and confused and manipulated by catfishing, and it’s all very straightforward and upfront when it comes to the safety measures the website takes to protect its members. No problems can be encountered here.
Best BDSM Dating App
Surprisingly enough, there is a devastating lack of dating applications available for download. Sure, some of the dating sites can be accessed through a mobile browser and Fetlife has a downloadable companion app, but there is nothing that is sleekly and specifically designed for your phone.
Thanks to this, it’s best to just use mainstream apps for finding hookups. This app is the best for that, and as long as you ask questions with your matches about their sexual interests, you can ensure you’ve found another BDSM kinkster!
Tinder Review
Though it started as a wholesome dating site for long-term connection, Tinder has reputably turned into the best place for a hookup. It’s formed the way hookup culture is viewed and helped normalize casual dating and sex. For a BDSM fan, this is great! Plus, Tinder has the largest community of users and it’s free, so you can find someone into bondage or sadism if you so please.
Pros:
- 10 billion people matched online
- Totally free to users
- Easy account creation with your phone number
- Very active site with safe messaging features and easy swipe matchmaking method
Cons:
- Hard to tell true BDSM fans from the phonies
- Based mostly on visuals and appearances
- No specific BDSM filters or profile tags
Scam protection:
Tinder scams are possible, but unlikely. The users aren’t exactly looking for a deep, loving relationship but instead gratifying sexual encounters. A scammer would struggle to make bank on the app, so they tend to avoid it. Your biggest risk is being catfished by an account with fake pictures for attention.
What is BDSM
The letters BDSM actually stand for several things at once, and the fetish itself is a collection of several sexual interests rolled into one general idea. Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism is what BDSM ultimately represents, but not everyone will be into all of BDSM culture. Some may prefer certain parts over others, or only fit into one type.
For example, a submissive person may enjoy the discipline and masochism aspects, but will not want to be dominant or sadistic. The roles in BDSM are very important, but the term itself stands for a set of related bedroom activities and roles in a whole community of kinksters.
What Does The BDSM Community Look For?
When you hear about BDSM, it usually isn’t exactly talking about a romantic relationship but instead the sexual parts of one. Someone who is very into BDSM may only want to date or marry a partner who is also into the kink, at least in some way. So, if someone is online trying to find others into BDSM, an open mind and an adaptive personality is required.
Many BDSM kinksters also will look for someone to fulfill their opposites within the umbrella of the fetish. A submissive woman who is into being dominated will look for a dominant personality type, and vice versa. Online daters who are using a BDSM dating site are looking erotic, exciting, and satisfying sexual experiences that may develope into a relationship, but primarily they’re wanting some bedroom fun.
Staying Safe When Enjoying BDSM
When using these websites to connect with others in the kinky community of BDSM, your end goal is have sex with someone. Once you get to this point, great! You should still make sure you’re staying safe when it comes to meeting up with people you met online.
Here are some safety rules to always follow, especially if you’re meeting up with someone you met on a BDSM community dating website:
- Never send money to anyone, even for gas money.
- Always verify they are who they say they are first, maybe through a video call or a casual meeting first.
- Tell somewhere where you’re going, even if you leave out the “why”.
- Agree on boundaries and safe words first, so you know you can control what happens to you during the experience.
- Take it slow! It’s easy to get heated up and want action quick, but don’t jump into anything blindly.
Trust is a large factor in BDSM, so it’s always best to grow at least a small relationship with someone you potentially would like to have sex with. Hookup culture is safer than ever before, but scams do happen, so just be prepared!
Wrap Up
You can find people from any sort of community online and your chances of getting a partner for the evening improve greatly when you use a reputable, safe website. Of course, exercising caution when having a new sexual relationship or even talking with others online to avoid scams and danger is important, but these best BDSM dating sites will help you have the BDSM fun you crave in your lackluster sex life!
